What's missing????????

good morning ! its 8 am and 1st time in last 40 days i woke up so early....

Hmm its more then a week i have not talked to my parents , its more then a week that i have not talked to the one well , its more then a year that i have been searching and trying to redefine my aim , its more then a month i have not laughed hard , its more then a month that i have not danced on the road , talked nonsense and cracked unwanted jokes.......

so the list is really wrong and so its really difficult to conclude what exactly i am missing!!!!!!but somewhere this unwanted grief has come and stuck to me since the start of this month. and really this is one of the rarer phenomena in my case as the biggest of all the shockers had failed in making me miserable .

so somewhere something has surely been either misplaced or displaced. and ......

but i am noticing as i am writing , at least for this little period the "feel good" factor is trying displace its arch rival unwanted grief , i don't know about after 10 minutes what the situation will be because these days these two rivals have become so unpredictable .

so i dont want to write any more negatives here beacuse i have just started to feel good and i am going to continue this. wow blogspot thanks again atleast for a while i won this . but still search for the real missing factor will go on.....

"CORE" inside the SHELL

Well now I am on the verge of getting into 2nd year ( if I am able to clear this summer) . And yet again I am feeling the change. It’s the change of 1st yr to 2nd yr. when I started the college life I never knew that at the end of the 1st year all I will have is back in engineering drawing to show to the world. But its  just the shell . But the real game was being played inside that shell for that last year. Actually I was transforming infact transforming hard  ( and at enough pace that in the first year only I got to realize all this and know the irony of this change to get a pause or stop button  atleast some deceleration needed)    inside that shell.

Now I could stay sitting  ideally for hours and hours with no output at all..

Now I could indulge myself for hours with my friends and eventually at end concluding that virtually we discussed just nothing.. It was all scattered matter , arguments , discussions and net vector sum coming zero.

Now I could remain bookless for days , week s(unfortunately  not months as we have test every other month)

And many more such habits have been  inculcated inside me and continuously  filling this shell and making this more packed.  I had to think , in fact think hard when I was serious last time. Always having fun , talking nonsense , roaming everywhere with a deeply rooted headphones, beginning to lie  to parents , wasting all time , losing all concentration which can simply be defined as "LOSS OF PEACE OF MIND" to some   developed mind  .

 Basically this has been my story breaking parents expectations , wasting 1 year , my "intelligence", taking only wrong decisions infact lots of them and it worth proved to be a big difference ( atleast to the world)losing awareness, gaining laziness to the maximum.

But this has all happened inside that shell. But what many missed to see is the "CORE"  inside the shell , the "CORE" which with every new experience becoming more hard , tough . The "CORE" which with every new experience  becoming more dense and hence making me more wise and removing this ignorance while keeping my innocence. Trying to spark the responsiblity , confidence , awareness within me once again.

I admit I am becoming more lazy but I am also knowing that what are its consequences , I admit that I am taking so many wrong  decisions but I am also knowing how to tackle those wrong made decisions , I admit I am being deceived by many but I am also knowing who are good who can remain good and who can make me good. I admit that I I didn’t study this 1 year but then  also I came to know the real importance of academics and at the end if I would have not got back in drawing then I would never known what it takes to rise above normal...

So the question remains is  this shell really saying enough?. Perhaps no , not at all. Infact its far more deep , far more useful , far more significant to me and life. Thanks god for this wonderful  , loving , so enjoying , experienceful  and biggest of all giving me the wit to learn from all these and help me to  know its not going to be repeated, because I don’t like repeating (except repeating drawing one last time).

So it has not been the construction of this  shell  but the construction of this "CORE".

when you are stuck by a truck and you dont die you are bound to turn upside down.

Oooops i got  struck  to the truck and everything turns upside down.. and suddenly from "newton" to "srk", from "studious" to "bindaas" from "serious" to "carefree" and from ..........(this will still take some time)...........

This has been the story of my nit calicut 1st year b tech.. till12th i had a passion of physics as well a big srk fan its just that "physics" was dominating the srk inside me but now its time for the srk inside me to rise again... and if u want ask what it feels to get the tag of "chutiya" from a studious serious boy , i am the the best person to consult.
this is what some of the school friends had to say when they came to know about me and college
# well ashish doesnt study . this is simply imposssible.. dont lie ashish.. i know you..
# hmm ashish looks at girl also ,and he even said to one in the college (majak hi mein sahi but kaha na) impossible simply impossible
#ashish had also a crush that also from his school..hmm baat hajam nahi hui...
# hmm ashish has failed , this cant ever happen. but here am i again  in nit calicut....
and many more......................

 this what some of my friends here in nit have to say
# ashish ashish ashish srk................
# ashish hmm aisa tha school mein, didnt look at girls dont lie guys this cant ever happen....
#ashish atleast for 10 minutes cant be serious enough to open his book even before the day of exam...
#ashish and bunking classes can never seperate.......
and the list goes on here as well...........

but somethings remained same fortunately still having some innocence left and still devoid of wrong habits....

And  the incidence of myself getting struck to truck( in february 2010, place A.N. COLLEGE  PATNA) is true....very true was lucky enough to escape the accident even after the hit but i never thought this will someday become the topic of my blog that also in so much agreement with the whole story..my story...

INSPIRED BY SHAHRUKH OF KAL HO NA HO AND SWADESH...

 Before starting , let me clear yes i have been a die hard fan of shahrukh khan for long and may be this is the reason why i am learning from his characters even when to some other neutral guys its completely foolish . But i am foolish and not just a fan of srk but also love him and have a deep respect for his so struggling and mega star life. Kal ho na ho and swadesh has been 2 of his films in which i simply loved his characters and still aspire to be somewhere near to those characters in my life....

KAL HO NA HO - they called him Aman  and aman called her Naina..... and Naina coudnt do anything but fall in love with him. not only naina but jiya , rohit , jennifer and everyone who knew him had to love him because he simply was Aman.
             The way he  changed the sad , serious face of naina to the smiling one , the way he recollected the p naina's family from falling into pieces, the way he he resolved the tension between naina's mother and grandmother was simpply magical.. the way he usd to smile and make other smile always , the way with all purity in his heart he used to help otherss and the way he used to love...........well many will say it happens in films , yes it happens only films because we already have accepted ourselves to be so bad that we  fail to realize the reality of ecah of us is actually to be ever smiling , tenison free and not to be half hearted , selfish , always sad and hopeless. But well fortunately i am trying to learn something out of his character atleast i can be smiling and happy for me myself only. and atleast i can try making one sad face smiling for an hour for a day and more. What if i like doing so , what if  i like the one whom i want to make smile perhaps i have started doing it and am successful too , to some extent. in a quite similar manner to what aman did in the film...and to tell you its such a wonderful feeling. which cant be experienced unless you do it once..so try it if you make 1 person happy and what if everyone does it what if you liked doing it and you tell it to others and the other one does the same to 2 people and so on.. we all be happy. wow thats amazing i guess........

SWADESH - Well i guess after  7 times watching(in just 3 weeks)  swadesh and and dont know how many more , i am still in a doubt if i have understood it completely each of its incidence, message and any more. Well its really so elegantly directed by Ashutosh Guwarikor , so accurate music by SIR A R Rehman and rest done by Shahrukh..

Well Swadesh tells you many things and Mohan Bargav tries to convey those to you all. Well this film was not just a commercial film which i got to realize after so many times watching it. Seriously swadesh was not a joke. its for each of us and rethink of what we are doing and what we are going to do. Well really you have got no right to study all 16 years in your country and then working for others , Well you have got no right to let go off the the small boy selling glass of water for 50 paise , Well you have got no right to say "hey you belong to shudra you cant be with us", Well you have got no right leave a poorest of the poor family at its state after coming so closer to it , Well you have got no right to be selfish because you are not animal . Well if anyone would have seen this even once seriously he or she will surely agree with me.
Well the way we are going , the way our society is going , the way our villages our going our country INDIA can never be  what it has meant to attain and many people feel proud to say that our country is developing hard but its all rubbish, you cant push a car in forward direction when there is a greater force  at the back in backward direction, it will strech for a while but soon it will be in lots of turmoil and no resultant diplacement.  .  Same is with our country. poor becoming poorer and rich becoming richer.You cant expect your country to develop in a real sense at the same time go for mission to mars , have luxurious life to the few and  leaving those 37 crores who dont even get 2 times meal daily, leave their education and "entertainment" they cant even  think n because its a crime to them to do so. And about 25 crores more get food but education still far behind them ... Still we go for 4 cars , 7 bikes , a new apartment in gurgaoun , a trip to malasia this time and the list goes on.      Government cant do on its own. Shahrukh correctly saying in the film we all are the part of government we need to be aware, try whatever we can. We need to find Mohan Bhargav in everyone atleast in someone atleast in one. We need him desperately
Seriously we need the fire , patriotism, feel for the needy ones , unselfishness of  Mohan Bhargav. guys go out for this film once again even if you have seen this. please start doing something for country , become aware , have wider vision  , start helping ,  then see the happiness arising in your heart , its simply divine .. Seriously.....And if you dont believe it watch swadesh...