a sight

 long grass with converging tip giving some

Space to brownish mud peeping here and there

Just when my sight could reach reddening sky

The field had already affirmed my beliefs

The bigger we become to the outside world

Narrower we become within ourselves

Our thoughts instead of accepting more diversity

Starts converging to our false pride

And the gleam in the eyes of the pride

Perhaps makes everything else secondary

But still often the filthy brownish mud

Tries to clean our vision but only to get  rejected.

To get rid of crime(rape)--What a common man can do

I was just wondering if the increasing strength of our defense system has really helped in controlling the number of deaths and various destructions and wars. I am ofcourse far from the actual facts and figures.

And so the 80000 police force in nation capital . They might be doing their work and might have solved several cases and might even have saved few crimes from happening. But still murders, robbery , rapes , gang rapes happen provoking the common people  to react , shout at the system .

                            But they forgot that loss has already happened . And in days to come they themselves will return to normal life till the next crime(for it to come under highlight , this one really has to be a lot severe and must happen with urban man or woman) happens. And in this I have more then 100% faith. For rapes , killing has been happening for more then a century . And also the frequency of those crime has only been increasing irrespective of government in charge , number of police force and our defense system .

                                 And the fact remains that we can never really eliminate from our society. What we can wish for is the decreased frequency of crime. And for this we have to start from the ourselves  We can learn from those nations which has decent history considering crime.

                 And regarding rape it starts from individual , from individual's mind. I am stil sure the rape case recently occurring in delhi surely would not be conscious  pre-planned. But their (rapists) subconscious must have informations enough to validate this crime. And this subconscious is what which stores our history. The family , the friends circle , the way we have been brought up. And hence the care should be taken there. How often we ourselves would have teased or atleast felt tempted to do so to girls in public place . The reason being we (most of us )live in society   where girls remain  alien to us or e never been told to see girl for then just a mere body.

From our very own family sons are always given a lot more attention then girl child. Increasing cases of foeticides itself reveals that girl child our always looked with shameful eyes. And when the same girl grows up and is raped, same mother cries because she is not able show his face to society. her father would perhaps never talk to her. Society will never accept her. Instead of empathy they can show all they care is to protect self made brittle pseudo respect in the society.

                  and I think the very basic architecture of this has to be changed. Lets start from the equality. We condemn Wests for its multiple affairs , divorce and at them same time happily accept the rape cases here . We reserve special seats for ladies in bus , train , colleges. Our very basic government structure and as well as family structure encourages these crime by representing girl ha a weak symbol. And when rape happens we grimace our face in such a way as if something so miraculously bad has happened. 

    Lets start with primary education. Lets the coming generation know that girl is no less then a boy. Let them see  the beauty of simultaneous  prospering of both the gender in even climate and respect each other. Lets give space for love , shifting our anger , pride , self. And it will take time but result will be what we all want.                              

just few.....

       few stones waiting to be hurled down to other side of lake
       few drops waiting to be dropped down
      few words waiting to be slipped of my tongue
      few thoughts waiting to escape my mind
     few ideas waiting to  fly in the sky
     few emotions waiting to be exploded, expressed ,said and rejoiced


   

Rabbits and We.............

walking down the long quite pavement
redness across the sky possibly started to bid farewell to sun
with no watch tied across the wrist
perhaps this was the best time to guess the known


taking a few steps further on the grass, those two
rabbits struck right at the centre of my pupil perhaps look
 like carrying inherent traits from white angels from my dreams
but something else  something more then colour was there

jumping and hurling tiny splashes of water on each other
sounding as if dog is singing without those two front teeth
which was soon to become a song singing for funeral
when a arrow waiting to be pulled down for long

struck right into beautiful eyes
and the other had one no choice other then to escape
i zoomed my camera to find its heart beating increased manifolds
but still hours later it came , only to  find his friend resting in peace

to us , its expression were still unread , ununderstood
and hence we named them feeling less
just because our emotion didnt resonate with theirs
we kill them , we eat them , we rape , we steal , we hate , we discriminate


                           being symmetric was always the nature's preference
                           and now we try to see it with fogged specs
                           the screen is now filled with only me
                           with hardly any space for love , bliss , respect.

And I missed to give a call

Kept beside the  window was a filthy and dusted diary

storm had the pages waving

But  with the advent of heavy rain

Wind had to quickly take a reside in some new place

Till then the waving pages had taken a pause

But wind had already marked its second influence

The complete 2nd paragraph on that page

Was embellish by the fallen water paint

And finally what looked to be planned afterwards happened

My pair of eyes flew to those multicolored  lines

Only to find vary familiar handwriting

Written in bold red  "call 9787336583" dated "12\12\2009"

If I could remember it was the last day of school

If I could remember it was given to me by that someone

Whom I had been looking into , for atleast 5 years

Guess what IIT always works as climax in everyone's story

Physics , chemistry , math books were  piled up next  , diary at the bottom

Could never open  the diary and never add a word more

Until the storm came until the rain came until the water paint fell on it

 until it became dusted until it became filthy  until now

And I missed to give a call on that and in

A month I found I missed the IIT too (though approximately )

And now I wonder how did she reach to my diary

When  I had only asked for filling the slam book

And now I realize what I had missed what could already have been mine

years old dream suddenly blommed from grave
only to realize grave is still a better place
and left me with a fanitest echo of extremist optimism
"Thank god water paint didnt fell on the next few lines
"Thank god I didn’t go throw the next few lines "
What If it had ".............….. you"

She....still happens....

       

       she danced , she sang and she was loved
       she blossomed , she shone like a pearl
       just when she thought
       to take the control of her decison
       she knew all her past had been planned
       only to let herself  become a better bride

      but after the "better" everything became like dust of eyes
      she was now far from her past
      sitting once in the balcony she thought
      only to discover the futility of her passions
      dreams were when condensed to pain
      was still alien to her
     
      she became a mother
      she thought to rediscover her dream
      in the eyes of her daughter
      she worked , she sweat , she endured
      hoping her god has got some godliness left
     
      years later she had the 2nd discovery of her life
      she had been only the housekeeper
      stubbornness of mind  again had the victory over innocence of heart
      she cried she begged she prayed
      only to find the futility of her love and motherhood
   
      her daughter taking the legacy
      only to complete the another circle
      and she in the heaven
      only if some godliness is left in him.

If only you forgive me...........

when mind is fogged by the selfishness
when other's emotions remains their only
when pride of mind kills the child inside
when self obsession disconnects the self from reality

i seek exemption from the past sin
i have come to know if sacred Ganges water still exists to unload all my devil
i pledge before you to forgive the ignorance
i promise to redeem the inside with innocence

if only you forgive me
if only you accept me as a new person
who will try to become a better man every hour every second every moment
and yet veiled by the same body and face
if only you guide me

a sleep in the evening

   just a little drowsiness after the evening sleep
   just a little ache in the head
   just short of the critical  momentum needed to get out of the bed
  just a little slow in mobilizing fingers on the keyboard
                    
   then i know that i am lacking energy
  inspiration has been veiled by the fogs
  love is also residing somewhere far in the unknown cottage
  people close have been far for a while

  but then as learnt
 i put the switch in "on" mode
 because i just had 2 choice
on or off , i went for "on" first deliberately and then it became natural

then suddenly still writing
backgrounds began to take a shift
drowsiness encouraged me to get energised to defeat it
ache in the head became like battling at the border inspite of pain

i began stretching my thoughts through the fogs to grab the inspiration
and suddenly Helen Keller's  quote struck
 "Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties."

 memories of great times with friends , family and few others sprouted the buried love
i gave the another call to the people close
and he said he had been waiting as  his balance was over
and now  i have to go for the  evening walk with him.
  

You have............a

you have a bird resting within you
dont let its wings rest forever

you have a child inside
dont let his smile become extinct

you have a rage inside
dont let its voice increase entropy inside

you have a enemy inside
let him be buried within yourself



you have a soul , talent , love inside
dont miss to unveil this discovery within you

you a life inside you
dont let its presence ever be underdone ...

the best , better and good........

when i was growing i was told about the best

years later we kept discussing the best

and now i realize those long conversations , thoughts

have actually hidden the "better me" 

it was always about best actor , best cricketer , toppers , most beautiful ,best people

and it always remained just less then a token of  appreciation for the goods

to transform them into the better ones.

but in the crowd of only pertaining to bests , most , highest , wisest , tallest 

i failed to become good , a little wise ,a little better

i still dream to fly in the sky but

i am taught, only the best can do

and thats why my fear gets grooming along with my dream

i dont see the zealously knocking my door

rather i find missing the honest appreciation , token of   clap

i find myself surrounded by only the bests, 

i am taught only toughest can survive

may be its my weakness , fear ,vulnerability 

but i still seek a world

where each one including me can survive 

where each one including me gets the equal opportunity to prosper

i dont know when it will come true 

but one thing i know unless it wont be accomplished

we will continue to be praising , talking only about the best

and the better ones will continue to suffer

survival for good ones will become tougher

people with no "best tags" will crave for the pebbles of appreciation

and the inequality will continue going in the directions of entropy . 

random words

 some thoughts penetrate deeper
some people mark the stain darker
 some journey becomes a lesson
some experience become a life-saver

and still human-err repeats itself
neither the flute's whistle
nor the majestic voice spell its magic
till the next rocks awaits to hit you

genius of our mind or the truth of  our heart
is still differentiable for me
and so the dilemma of choice between two
there i seek the fruit out of my theism
and i leave all onto "amma"
but still my beliefs seem partial
for my dilemma is still visible

i seek here the truth
truth of knowledge , truth of my being
a stagnant satisfaction of my state
i seek a zeal  to survive
a reason to go forward
and say it aloud "yes i can"

when experience guides you...

.
things change , people change or i change is still a mystery. they say it true , friends in college are always the worst thing to expect . especially when during more  then 2 years you are hit thrice by the same rock

. putting all  beliefs , trust , unveiling myself to the core in front of them only to know that the person enjoying the show has left the theatre far earlier. people will call these people innocence (including me ) but i call then ignorant , perhaps the worst category to be in.
and perhaps this makes me realize that i am human. a small bubble in the water always changing its radius and sometimes even bursting. but when i try observing this bucket full of water and bubbles i feel unsecured for i am not one , i am always influenced by  the environment outside. and then again some more analogies creeps into this mind. and i become serious again , dullness finds its way again. these all happen because i am astonished to see how i can repeat the same mistakes. perhaps i didnt get the failure for last 1.5 years in this field.
but now i realize failure makes me aware that i am imperfect , incomplete and i need correction , this time a steeper and long lasting.    
but i am ready for the failures as long as i keep learning from them. sometimes the decreased frequency of failure makes me think that i am improving but soon i come to know i was actually egoistic , arrogant enough to hide my details .  but then again i find my mind not fully planer and hence have to say


"there so many things , so many people , so many thoughts , so many discussions and sometimes so much to cry but a pinch of smile a truck of laugh (poor jokes with those few who dont  fear of calling themselves unmodern , unmatured  , child etc.  )converges them all into it   "

i learnt these two lines which i would like to share

its seriously damn damn difficult to get a true honest friend here in a competitive world.
look straight into the eyes of people. as you may never know what you might miss. for in a long race we all search for love sometimes fashion forces us to reject them that also only superficially .

Transition......

Its these days when I sleep with all the sleepy mind , fatigued body , headache and then after 2 hours of sleep , I get on fb visiting my favorite profiles and sometimes new one  and soon find the happiness finds it way coming all the way through twist and tunnels , leaping way ahead of my fatigue , piercing through the fear and finally sending a smile.

Its these days when everything not goes your way but yet you find yourself feet slowly finding a harder floor to stand on , more stagnant pole to hold your hands with .

Its these days when you start realizing the rate of passing of time is way swifter then it really is and yet the net content of every second makes every bit of time a precious one.

Its these days when I call these changes a  transition and the best part is when I realize  it goes forever and  happens everyday , sometimes I notice and sometimes I miss them.

And so its these days I am realizing this transition, so I try to control , mould a part of this transition in a way I expect my life to be with me. 

GRAMYA MANTHAN

Initially when I tried visualizing the "10 gramya manthan"  days it seemed I would be coming out   of my normal daily schedule to adapt a new one ,  would be away from my beloved family, friends  back home , I would  be going to new villages to understand them and their problem and even doubted what facilities would to be provided .   

But now  more then 10 days have already passed and these possibilities mentioned above all look

Deepened into the bottom of the pit of memories and what remained  is shining like a beacon , shouting like a roar of lion ,attracting like a magnet ,drenching my eyes every  hour and asking why just 10 days.

Frankly speaking I went from the family but only to make a new one , found a new daily schedule only to find it was normal in fact far more self satisfying  then the previous one . The family of 40 people  which I never realized till 22nd june and they  were all  different  at the same time they all looked converging with my thoughts and that was the beauty of the program.

I learnt to listen atleast to some extent , could present in front of many people without the pebble of hesitation , came out of my comfort zone to interact with so many of them ( with few I could have done more which I still regret).

Transition started to come during the 2nd day of our visit to village (in my case it was tishti)  , met with a family whose head could earn only in few months of the year , all sleeping in a small room on the plastic still  never showed his back for the education of his 3 children. The eldest being a pretty girl doing her b.sc hiding behind a veil was inspirational  and a eye drenching phenomena. It was perhaps the 1st time I was roaming around in 45 degree  hot summer visiting new homes  with only 3 hours of sleep for last  4 days and still could find my passion dissolving all the tiredness . Then at the night we discussed , conversed , shared and then would present the solution which everyday would take a leap ahead .

Sessions by Sir Elango , Ravi Sir was easily gained the top list of people I ever heard and including many others. The encouragement , amenities , received by us were adding only feathers to our list of growing experience . And till the last day came they all culminated to make it a life time experience .

As this program ends but its memories have just started to stretch and grow making a hell of experience

If I am on the missing side and at the same time pride feeling peeping and citing "YES I HAVE BEEN THE PART OF GRAMYA MANTHAN".   I look to join them at least join the village to implement to what we had presented their for the people there have started expecting , they have broken the realms of their dreams , wishes and we cant leave them in the between.   

We need wish …….and they(villagers) need far more.

Simply love

Eyes drenched and then rubbed

For sometimes a book stains a mark

Mad seems normal and normal seems mad

For there was neither mad nor normal

Only one universally truth called love

Only ratio of absence and presence of it determines the rest

remained ignorant of  this fact

Kept searching the world upside down

But it always was about the love

Relishing on the  victory of your brother

Or the acceptance of your sister's affair

Or the tiny acts of teasing your friend

Or a long walk in the midnight

Or simply imagining your parents sacrifice

Or marching forward in the unidirectional  solemn destination

All converging into  a simple package of love and rest

My mind could not conceive

which could penetrate to the core ...

Why I chose to be a theist

It didn’t happen in a day . I am confident and if not its due to my weakness and I very well know that if I am the only remote control of my happiness I can with dedicated efforts make this venture feasible one  . And for this part I will not have to introduce a 3rd person or a god or an almighty  to make this possible for me. If I am to build a 10 million dollar empire or create social equity in a particular area with my work  and if I am determined for these then I may not be praying in front of god but relying all upon my dedication and If I lose its my mistake.

And if I lose always , still there's a hope within me because of only me that I can yet again bring a change , rectify further my mistakes , learn from them and give a best shot in next attempt.   

Perhaps above assumption were true only under one condition if I am the only  "I" . But the problem is I am bestowed with a wonderful family , best of the friends and few others as well and remaining humanity as well.  I , studying in nit Calicut 3000km away from parents  suddenly hear a news flash "earthquake of 7.2 rector scale hit the northern region of Bihar and some parts in west Bengal" . Then my younger brother is almost at the stage of formal education breakdown . And then there is Mumbai 26th November grievous blast revisited and so many.

I would have still preferred to be an atheist if I had not have been emotionally connected to them if the fear of death of my parents would not have shaken me a bit ,if the sullen dark clouds overcastting the future of my brother would not have bothered for me a second , if the deaths of thousands of humans would not have appeared as my own loss for the moment at least.

And hence I   am a theist for I need  this virtual pillar to hold my hand amidst all the troubles . I mean troubles which are out of my remote control . I cant control the death of my parents during an earthquake , I cant tame my brother to work sincerely for his future , I cant always stop the terrorist to enter my country . And hence I need a pillar to support by , I need a word to chant , the unseen to whom I can pray when I am in despair when people I love are in despair for I can control only mine .

May that be ,so called god or almighty  be the flask full of my own faith or trust but being a theist only  makes this flask visible .   

And it will be too arrogant of myself if I still give credit to the pillar or flask or the god  for only taking care of my  loved once , and hence it makes me a complete theist or at least till I find some other theory to defy this. 

SAILING......

It’s a strange story of a lad

Of all those dreams once he had

For those he gave his best try

He worked relentlessly without  a cry

For almost couple of years

Overcoming all the fears and tears

And then came the judgment  day

Only to bring him ,his maiden dismay

 but life had to go on

With acceptance that days of despair have gone

Then for  almost a year

Smile , freedom was only near

For he has now no dream

And hence the smile had to lose the gleam

Then one day his long forgotten childhood stargaze

in no time  came within  his chase

But only after a month did he realize

The emptiness has again begun to emphasize

For now he hated what is bestowed

Attraction was only  the unseen road

Finding himself amidst the loop oscillation

Of the two worlds between love and aversion

He now relates himself to this quote

"Artist  love only for second

The next hour they are bored or frustrated

For dynamic change only makes them moving"

But strangely  he had no artistic talents as well

Except this strange relation to this quote to tell…..

His plans , dreams needed lot of reconstruction

For now life has taken a halt on new junction

But one thing he concluded this birthday

That life has still to cover 3/4th of the  tray...

Exemption.....

Freedom of mind liberty of thinking

Exemption from all the named human relations

Immune to all the emotions

Illusion is the only difference between truth and false

Expectation from others becomes senseless

Center of happiness confines within oneself

The road ahead has only one's footsteps

Permanence loses its durability

 people come people go but you remain....

with you forever....

Since I

Since I failed  I know I want to succeed

Since I cried I know I want to smile

Since I lost I know I want to discover

Since I broke I know I want to make

Since I born I know I want to live

As I face the rising sun in the sky

As I face the rising sun in the sky

I imagine the vast beauty of my untold story yet to come

As I  try locating the extremity of the ocean

 I discover the vast talent ready to be exploited by motivation 

As I see falling rain sanctifying the dusted road

I seek the urgency to rectify the wrongs I have committed

as i see my name dissolving into the sands

i see my name gaining the omnipresence

as i find myself in midst of demotivating lands

the horizon of infinite inspiration discloses itself

............

 

seeking motivation

As I peep into the hole in the door ….

I see him flying with the wing

And I seek motivation

As I peep into the hole in the door…

I see him performing on the stage with all the confidence …

And I seek motivation

As I peep into the hole in the door….

I see the smile of pure innocence

And I seek motivation

As I sit on the bench  in my orchard

I see him becoming a hero from nowhere

And I seek motivation

As I sit on the bench  in my orchard

I see him smiling for his successful friend

And I seek motivation

lets grant them also "stay free"

    This struck me first when I was studying in class 11th and there was some carpentering work being done in my house. And then I met with this 11 year boy I mean 11 year orphan working here all the day I mean tolerating physical pain , loudest of the  screeching from his elder co-workers. As no 11 year old lad in this would ever cherish to do  this .Then I faintly remember this guy , cant guess the age for he was too far , sitting on a hanging support from a 14 storey building in midst of  burning sun painting the apartment. And then few thoughts began to link within me . May be the 11 year old's dad had fallen from there  or may be there one more on the corner to taste the orphanage. For their life is unsecured and people least bothered  for they earn just 75 Rs for performing all these life risking activities and yet  hiding their fear , compulsion and even if they are visible people are quick enough to attain  blindness towards them.

Well this  class of people who are neither under BPL to utilize some  offers by government neither a lower middle class henceforth  always find themselves grinding between the two.  And these workers are spread all across country . But their prime heritage stays mostly in Bihar , Jharkhand and West Bengal.  Staying away from their family for months and sometimes even years and yet bringing just enough to home bear the two times meal.

These conclusion strengthened due to  survey in these places done in  our college for the construction mega hostel where around 2000 workers are hired , there being 95 %  from Bihar and West Bengal. And among them 50% are in the age group 17 to 21.  The age when we are enrolled into college they are forced to become a worker. The age when i am busy writing blogs , watching movies , traveling new places they travel only 3000km to reach Kerala to get few hundreds more and remain doomed into this hell of physical work blended with only humiliation , disrespect ,  sometimes unexpected disease then expected only misfortunes.

I had intense  conversation with few of them and most of them were around 18.( for detailed discussion see - http://themissionbridge.wordpress.com/) And one thing remained common with all of them. They all left their studies for their parents cant afford the education and they had to earn to assist in his sister's marriage , father's health. Sometimes doomed by prolonged frustrations they would run away from the family and come here . And when they come here though they are toiling almost 14 hours daily and earning just 5000rs every month . But this physical pain is far less then that mental torture they have to face everyday.   

And this becomes chain , for most of these workers  can never earn enough to deliver education to their 

Children and ultimately they will help in rotation of this cycle of struggle and illiteracy.   And this indeed constitute a thick population portion of our country .

And the most unfortunate part is that we don’t have any solution for this remedy. In fact why will we have . In fact many of them reply me with this - "they work to earn we also work to earn so whats the difference . And they are getting two times meal isnt it enough ". 

To repair this we  don’t need any  machine for machine can only correct not heal . We need more organization , people , awareness entering into these sections. Education for these sets of people should

be given some sort of liberalization , financially.  Because when I talked to them I realized they lacked awareness. A need of education was surely pending there. To change the present generation of workers

 is almost impossible , but what is possible is to teach their children , educate them , let them remain no more oblivious to the world , people around . Let   them exploit education for healing their generation and their yet to come children. Then shall we bring a gap in this chain constituting of education.For they are also Indian and above all human beings like we you and them. Only mistake they did were they decided to born in poor family .

Thanks to Stayfree (http://www.facebook.com/sftimetochange)for giving me the opportunity to speak my heart out. To bring whatever little  awareness I contain. For sharing good is in fact the only good and the only way to stay free forever . Free from destitution , violence , hatred , discrimination , superstition . 

Ending on the node with a  line cited by Charlie Chaplin in movie "the great dictator"  .... "LETS UNITE"..and....

Stayfree....

It’s a story here at Nit….

  I study in a Nit (Nitc) reservation of 75% makes this name more audible then the national tag it has been associated with.  People out see it as a lack of opportunity we here see it as opportunity for the majority of minorities .  And this makes these Nits full of students from almost all backgrounds.  Though almost 70 % still are from more then well fed family but  those 30% constitutes the real matter within these Nits.

To mention a few , we have got  student whose father is a vegetable vendor , or someone who could not  have ever dared to dream to come here if there would not have been the initiation of Navoday Vidyalay across the nation. There even those whose parents toil hard to earn 8000rs . And there are student in realm of permanent handicap , be it inability to walk , speak clearly , spinal cord twisted unnaturally , dwarfism and many .    And yes like these we have got again millions of handicapped people and economically backward people across country  . . But the story here is different , at least in many of the cases.   And this takes  a time to know , a while to understand , a moment to ponder and make a  conclusion .

  after coming here soon I made so many friends and was fascinated by those companies which comprises of so called "dudes" here. I inevitably one among them had a way of doing subconscious classification on the basis of looks , money , rank and many most superficial qualities . And this went  on unless you spend a time or few with someone . And the times makes the "layer within" visibility always proportional to itself . And then the company changes , friend changes  , new friends are made and again with time you know them better and its during this time you know the real substance which truly makes this or that guy better then the rest , better then a thick pocket guy or wiser then nation's best school student ( not best but the most expensive schools)  .

When you know their story then I realize how shallow is my achievement in front of them . Enrolled In two year course in the most expensive institutions  , sent to kota or Hyderabad toiling all night with only those few newtons equations and then coming with the such flying colors  that  everything becomes invisible in those colors of pride . And when you meet him  studying all by himself , whose parents earn just enough to buy him few notebooks and hire few books and then coming upto here. Or him or few other who couldn’t have been here if their school education wouldn’t have been free . Or like him whom voice hardly you can understand and yes  he is here by reservation but he justifies his reservation studying all day and night when we self called intelligent guys having party outside .

Well the problem is not that we party neither they toil hard and also problem is not that they are rural or talk in a rural tone and we in super urban English vocal .  Problem is also not that they are poorer or we are rich or they cant afford as expensive  cloths , watch as ours . Problem is we apply the differential formula here as well , how can he who can just by his level of volume he speaks  decide that the other one with rural appearance is a bull shit in front of him . Problem is if he cant be as arrogant like you that doesn’t mean you will humiliate him just because you here in majority . And just because he cant speak English as well  (is master of his national language though)    doesn’t meant he is talent less.  And just because he doesn’t look that good you cant ostracize him  or just because he cant speak to you as clearly or he is a bit shy you cant be walking blind onto him .

They are here because of their talent , lets respect them . Lets not be mistaken by superficial insuffiencies .   for the unsaid words always have been the most powerful ………….

When I enter into my 20s......

    when I enter into my 20s …..

When being logical and practical earns the  best  appreciation

But being innocent , lively  renders loneliness

 waving hands , laughing aloud , dancing in the rain is assumed childish , foolish

Love , emotions , philosophy , faith gathers  nuisance  

  and   seriousness  is considered the only good

Lies , fakes , self-obsession, self-praise  has become the only truth

Reflections , accepting mistakes , saying sorry  is a new weakness

Following the majority  subscribes the tag "unfashionable"
But a talk on cell with your parents makes you child 

Praising   your own countrymen makes  "being urban " tag vulnerable

Honesty has  lost the ranking in policies  and remained just  a policy

But  If you  say aloud "I am what I am " you are the only confident
power of fists has again defeated the intelligence , emotions .... 

And as we come at the verge of crossing this 20 … I fear all the above…..

My confessions with traveling….

Year 2005(age 13) and I could remember the first glimpse of my maiden journey to Jamshedpur to Kolkata.  I could still smell the  vicarious excitement , thrill of riding coastal-ride ,feel the pain in the neck in an attempt locate the peak of this   gigantic 28 storey building ,  eyes splitting into four before a couple kissing right there on the airport and many. 

And yes I have been one among the many who always has been excited for the thrill of travelling. But intentions are the one which differentiates my late teenage traveling with those earlier one . For that I must express my confessions with the traveling .  

This one happened on my voyage to Amritapuri (a spirituality centre , to meet on of my friend)   from my college. I could have got few company but preferred going alone. And here goes my first confession. Of course my intentions for visiting Amritapuri was to meet the people from over 60 countries there , talk to them and many. But this one dominated at least throughout the bus journey. Being a crazy srk fan always felt may be I meet my simran and  have similar co-incidences or at least some foreigner fall for me. I still remember I didn’t allow anyone to sit beside my seat , expecting some beautiful lady to take it.

And guess what something similar happened and suddenly two white ladies entered the bus and then one of them herself asked for a seat( I took it as self praise but hen I looked around there were no seat around) and I with my best welcomed her this offer. She was  Jessica melletoni  aged 20 from Sweden accompanied by her friend sitting at the back seat. And then our conversation went for another 4 hours till 2:30 am midnight. And I left myself with no queries unanswered.  Her mother was Indonesian and father Swedish.  When she heard about "Arranged marriage "  she found herself amidst the alien planet   and like that many more examples. We had few snaps even and cashews from Sweden. And while then she slept and bringing an inverted "U" on my face . Soon she almost fell on me but I couldn’t do anything (still regretting)as i could not let the India get down due to me.

The major reason I was here to clarify my bundles of my queries from these people from West . One of them being what makes them to  come for these spirituality  centers. Is this just a trend they are becoming a part of ? Do they really feel for the poorer  here that spend a considerable part of their life spending in helping here ? If this is the way we can help poorer then why not we all go to extreme of physical comforts and come out of depression to help . Either way if it’s a fake or not it helps the needy one so the purpose for them is served.   I was fortunate enough to get few of the guys sharing their experience and story behind the arrival here. The one from Brazil simply came here as a part world tour he had been undertaking. and every new celebration he would take loads of drugs , pills and this time he wanted to have a difference consequently coming here.  The one from German aged just 23 was here to gather  peace , sanity of mind sitting near the sea under the guidance of this spiritual guru "amma" . Also the less expenses made a affordable affair.   . But this French bald guy clothed in "lungi " intrigued me the most. He was only 19 and says he will be staying here throughout his life . He says he doesn’t  know the terms and definitions but  meditations, amma , simple living yet laden with love  has fascinated him more then anything . Even her mother was staying here. And when I asked did he have a girl friend he says now here I am only with my mom .  In spite of all these words he maintained a innocence on his face which  infused the crop of respect for this guy. Because at the end everyone does anything to be satisfied and there are always those  section of people who find others field itching  them.   But the best part was this place certainly had a life . People dancing with all their energy , cast , nationality , religion , poverty were all converging to a singularity.

I am the one always wishing to have adventurous journey but 1st one to escape if the reality meets the wish even tangentially. And i happened to believe in the last statement majorly because of the following incidence in my 1st visit to Cochin around midnight  I and deepraj were busy taking some snaps  lying on the road  at 12 am ,trying all the pose we could and even inventing some and suddenly a large   violent scream of police encountered us first time and we were left with no other options other then to piss in our pants . Adding to our miseries third friend left us citing the police he didn't know us. but ultimately he also was caught and screwed up like us in fact even more.

All messed up in Bangalore  --

It was 1st visit to Bangalore for 6 of us. Plan went like this ,  the 1st day would be for the national park and the night  in the city  malls and all while the following day amidst the  exhilarating water park. And it all started with a plan though I sensed the urgency of change of plans but I was still adamant with the plans. And then we reached the national and as soon our group divided into to two . Suddenly a cold disputed found its place replacing the thrill , excitement.    And I was least interested in sublimating cold war into hot one. Soon we left for the city and we all 6 were in  the night pub in one and only the pub city of India "Bangalore" . For it was the 1st experience and I was still firm not to drink. Finally I with other two left the pub got to the restaurant , had an awesome meal. Then we left for this strangely  adventurous thrilling ride to M.G road. Clock was still striking 9 30 pm. On of the auto thought for us that we are looking for our way to red light area…. And we were still ignorant of these things. But still out of excitement we decided to go and have view  by staying on the pavement , sometimes even hiding and peeping. and it looked equally adventurous though i rejected the idea of pissing this time.   And well the views were eyes boggling. We were confused if men have got the sex inversion or what . I mean there was not a single drop of attraction emerging for them albeit they tried their best. One of our friend became scared seeing them as if they were monsters and soon we left. The next morning we had to leave for water park but all three drunken guys were still sleeping till 1 pm. And finally this plan also had be put an end to.     And so to our Bangalore trip.

At 18   1st time I came out of my native place , like they said the more you maintain a distance to something , someone the nearer  it comes to you. And so is this travelling gradually piercing into my soul , hobby ,beliefs and interests. I may not be a international traveler and neither national. Just  started my voyage to this strangest and yet the only world. And the purpose remains the same , discovering that transparent thread connecting

Every race , religion , nation beliefs , thoughts and yet respecting their diverse traditions , cultures , people .  Learning few other languages  , making some friends in a island midst of pacific ocean , attend a marriage in Jerusalem , having a night camp in Amazon forests , trekking in Iceland , some romance in Paris , a visit to countries like Sudan , Zimbabwe and try finding the thread even in these  extremities ,    

even a trip to Afghanistan to know people's mind putting their own girls behinds the bars , physical torture for almost no mistakes  .
  With these hopefully I give my traveling a strong purpose  which shall fuel my interest in traveling never ceasing.


thanks to http://www.expedia.co.in/.to provide the opportunity to express the travel within me.

Strong reasons

I was asked once why I wanted to peruse research in physics and my reply sounded elegant , clothed with the most attractive words but was beaten in weight , truth , . And then I asked the same question to many  and listened many answering  in fact better would be to say justifying the words which just got out from their mouth a moment ago including me. I mean why someone want to be a IAS officer because he likes it  , or simply he wants to own a district , become powerful(pathetic replies which  I got from the one)  . I ask what power if we don’t know where to invest it. What higher studies if you are doing for just m.tech degree was devised centuries ago.  its like insulting ias profession or a m.tech degree.   And that’s why I found these section of people always faltering .

                and when I meet the honest replies such as "I want to earn money I want to live  and only easiest way possible I see is MBA  or a business , entrepreneurship "  makes me more affirm towards the views expressed in the 1st paragraph.  This guy from my school says he had always loved conceiving physics situations , contradictions , intrigued by E=mc^2 and now he is the one holding phd from mit on some quantum stuffs .

                      

                and when I recapitulate  some of my past  and my experiences with different people as soon i had to vote for this "STRONG REASONS" . Because it’s the only fuel that will make us to take a initiative and to do it till the last as well.  Because this strong reason has no beginning , it’s the function of its own self and always integrating when one acts to satisfy this reason.  And like this ,  we are all in the search of this strong reason before deciding what we have to do with our lives, sometimes knowingly and sometimes unknowingly. Sometimes after making  lies 100 times we realize this reason  and some times even more and still searching ( like what I am going through). And the beauty of this realization is it’s the calmest . A strong reason makes  goal even stronger  and the hard work bridges this gap with ease . And To the world it seems the hardest of the struggles , laden with failures  , greatness , miraculous , magical. But it always was as simple as that finding a "STRONG REASON" 

burying feminineness.....

 Reading 2 books by khaledi hoessini  and watching few documentaries in recent past I have only  come closed to this unique country and few others quite similar in one particular respect.  The thing which most intrigues me is the situation of women here.  Concealing her face all life under  a veil , dumb to every male unless married , life confined for only two activities mating  and cooking and being ignorant from the millions other things which she could do.   This I can say  with even more gravity after  my gaining some experience  in womenology.

 Doesn’t matter where are they from they all dream  , want to smile , dance in rains , learn , compete  head to head with boys ,have liberty , fall in love , kiss , hug, travel , talk , shy , and list goes endless. And when u know there is a corner in this world where girls don’t even know to dream.    And if they do their faces are burnt with acids , beaten on the road ,sexually harassed in midst the crowded street , shot headfront , forced to become whore  and the list goes on.

I would think India has only got the women in critical stage  but the reality  is thousand times severe , critical in Afghanistan , Pakistan , Iran  and few others.  Yes since the Taliban left Afghanistan situations are being healed though at ant's pace . But it all looks swinging like pendulum.  For serious issues such as these it should become an international affair. Countries which claim themselves to be the most powerful , United Nations shall make a separate department for handling these issues. And then it’s a matter of time they continuing this noble work.

Else just like tigers being extinct from earth we may lose a large portion of women( I mean the feminineness , emotions , dream  of a feminine, of course   physically still perfect for animal humans) in near future.
Ultimately all comes to awareness , what influences us what we want to influence , our range of greed , being self-obsessed , ignorance , courage of an individual . Because neither India nor us , Germany or Japan were at peace from the beginning .  Someone struggled , leaded , had courage to do 1st .

Like they said  it was all the matter of choice and its still now and will remain a matter of choice.

running..............

          

He was walking and soon realized walking it wont  be enough and started running  and soon panting , sweating hard and extreme hunger arrested him but all he knew was he had to run and  hence   continued running .

With no signs of what he was looking for,  another hard luck expressed its presence and he was there almost drowning into the 5 and half feet deep, filthy  , smelling like pig's dung . Still all he could remember was running . Thanks to the hard luck at least it gave him sometime get his normal breathing back for the while. Held his hand to nearby hanging branch and pulled it hard to come out of it and started running again like before albeit sense of direction was almost lost. Still he kept running relentlessly. Gradually the sun started to hide creating more and more hurdle for him to run but he was here to run and so he  did without a stop unless soon he found lying himself  down on the heaps of leaves , dung , mud after being hit by tall , wide banyan tree. he felt his head suddenly sweating so  profoundly  till he smelt his hand to know actually it was blood and it was bleeding damn swiftly. With darkness set to rule the whole night , it had already found  its first victim of the night. But as soon as he got back his consciousness  all he was reminded  was of running and soon managed though hard to run again . This time it became even harder with dark night dominating , pain in head growing , shivering with cold and but still running.

And he kept running  , falling , standing , and again running for days , months and now it was years ….    In almost ever direction and finally  something unexpected encountered him , it was his dad and tears in his eyes there 300 meter far. he set the gear , shrugged his shoulder, increased the pace and while this 300 meter gap was decreasing he realized he has started to think. The closer he came the surer he became of  why he was  running for years  and in this direction only… forever for those tiny drops which made him to conclude yes indeed ,  all the past run were connected … and he kept running…..now with a purpose…

Moment of Serenity......

                                                               long  dreams had drenched my eyes  

                                                                                     and suddenly

                   

                                                   echoes of appreciation rekindled the music in my ears

                                                   Waveforms on the lips finally sublimated into the smile

                                                                      wet eyes  gleamed like the beacon

                                            Hands  dispersed  , arms got  wider and the wind came closer

                             Loneliness felt beautiful for rejoicing was for satisfaction , not for the show

                                                      Remembered family-friends , touched dead and alive

                                                                Purpose was served , bliss was discovered

                                                             proving was the point and point was proved

                                                   Past twisted , reshaped ,  rearranged and got connected

                                             all  illusions  became transparent  and love was the only  truth

                                                 stars , moon , good , honesty , benevolence were only seen

                                                                   tried hugging myself and still trying…...             

            "S" , "U" , "C" , "E"  got together to make  this, to make me, to make you, to make all a "SUCCESS"

And soon alarm bell rang…. Eyes were indeed drenched but this time awake…..