And I missed to give a call

Kept beside the  window was a filthy and dusted diary

storm had the pages waving

But  with the advent of heavy rain

Wind had to quickly take a reside in some new place

Till then the waving pages had taken a pause

But wind had already marked its second influence

The complete 2nd paragraph on that page

Was embellish by the fallen water paint

And finally what looked to be planned afterwards happened

My pair of eyes flew to those multicolored  lines

Only to find vary familiar handwriting

Written in bold red  "call 9787336583" dated "12\12\2009"

If I could remember it was the last day of school

If I could remember it was given to me by that someone

Whom I had been looking into , for atleast 5 years

Guess what IIT always works as climax in everyone's story

Physics , chemistry , math books were  piled up next  , diary at the bottom

Could never open  the diary and never add a word more

Until the storm came until the rain came until the water paint fell on it

 until it became dusted until it became filthy  until now

And I missed to give a call on that and in

A month I found I missed the IIT too (though approximately )

And now I wonder how did she reach to my diary

When  I had only asked for filling the slam book

And now I realize what I had missed what could already have been mine

years old dream suddenly blommed from grave
only to realize grave is still a better place
and left me with a fanitest echo of extremist optimism
"Thank god water paint didnt fell on the next few lines
"Thank god I didn’t go throw the next few lines "
What If it had ".............….. you"

She....still happens....

       

       she danced , she sang and she was loved
       she blossomed , she shone like a pearl
       just when she thought
       to take the control of her decison
       she knew all her past had been planned
       only to let herself  become a better bride

      but after the "better" everything became like dust of eyes
      she was now far from her past
      sitting once in the balcony she thought
      only to discover the futility of her passions
      dreams were when condensed to pain
      was still alien to her
     
      she became a mother
      she thought to rediscover her dream
      in the eyes of her daughter
      she worked , she sweat , she endured
      hoping her god has got some godliness left
     
      years later she had the 2nd discovery of her life
      she had been only the housekeeper
      stubbornness of mind  again had the victory over innocence of heart
      she cried she begged she prayed
      only to find the futility of her love and motherhood
   
      her daughter taking the legacy
      only to complete the another circle
      and she in the heaven
      only if some godliness is left in him.

If only you forgive me...........

when mind is fogged by the selfishness
when other's emotions remains their only
when pride of mind kills the child inside
when self obsession disconnects the self from reality

i seek exemption from the past sin
i have come to know if sacred Ganges water still exists to unload all my devil
i pledge before you to forgive the ignorance
i promise to redeem the inside with innocence

if only you forgive me
if only you accept me as a new person
who will try to become a better man every hour every second every moment
and yet veiled by the same body and face
if only you guide me

a sleep in the evening

   just a little drowsiness after the evening sleep
   just a little ache in the head
   just short of the critical  momentum needed to get out of the bed
  just a little slow in mobilizing fingers on the keyboard
                    
   then i know that i am lacking energy
  inspiration has been veiled by the fogs
  love is also residing somewhere far in the unknown cottage
  people close have been far for a while

  but then as learnt
 i put the switch in "on" mode
 because i just had 2 choice
on or off , i went for "on" first deliberately and then it became natural

then suddenly still writing
backgrounds began to take a shift
drowsiness encouraged me to get energised to defeat it
ache in the head became like battling at the border inspite of pain

i began stretching my thoughts through the fogs to grab the inspiration
and suddenly Helen Keller's  quote struck
 "Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties."

 memories of great times with friends , family and few others sprouted the buried love
i gave the another call to the people close
and he said he had been waiting as  his balance was over
and now  i have to go for the  evening walk with him.