Gandhi how and why always keeps me inspiring..................

The larger part of my life has been more  influenced by physicist , bollywood stars , cricket stars . Post then has been more about the domination of inspiration over influence. After the suggestion from by closest friend I started going through "My experiment with truth" in my second year of graduation.  For the first few month I managed to complete just 60 pages of ebook.  But the honesty so plainly expressed  had already  struck the first cord. Then a little bit of google about Gandhi , his famous and unfamous writings were absorbing me almost homogenously . But lately I found many were not of the same view as of mine , so I left discussing about him. I thought may be I don’t know the history much so better is to be quiet .

Then after a break of a year , finally  got the hard copy of  "My experiment with truth". Since then I have been stormed by numerous radical transformation in my thoughts .Whether its my growing ability to restrain myself from nonsense criticizing of others , ability to accept the mistakes , ability to take the pride with humility in noble deeds , ability to introspect, strong believer of piece and above all ability to give. And few pending things which I might take a little longer is to love selflessly , sacrifice for the cause ,truth and humanity are all dedicated to Mahatma . With his plethora of inspirational quotes  ,he keeps inspiring  me thousand times  .

  Whether his sacrificing nature or ability to accept his greatest or guilt shame or practicing his verse with such consistency or the concept of non-violence , satyagrah , non-cooperation movement or  his principles of swaraj  . He has been like a trendsetter  of peace and humanity.

A  thin common man always motivating with his relentless long walks , stick and a gita in his hands and a always glued smile , experimenting world's most uncommon noble deeds. When world was busy making atomic bombs , he kept teaching thousands of his countrymen about non-violence ,, he taught us to discard english clothes , he made us to make salt for our own , he fought for thousands in foreign land of south africa  and  yet our  generation keep criticizing him for INDIA-PAKISTAN  many more which I don’t even know.But for  me and many others he kept inspiring us .

I feel saddened to see today people especially Indians criticize  Gandhi but praise Martin luther King who himself  was ardent Gandhi follower. We keep comparing between bhagat singh and gandhi ,  patel and gandhi etc. We are dividing our own country , we are cutting our own souls. Instead of uniting two good souls we continuously try to prove superiority of one over others. Being from educated class of India our thoughts should not be drifted along with the wind rather lets have our own unbiased ,researched notions atleast for these great people.

On his 144th birth anniversary I dedicate this to Mahatma Gandhi , hopefully someday some of us learn  from some of his reminiscences and above all take pride in saying yes Gandhi is the father of nation. Because if we know him , if we study him not through the spectacles of others , we will know that Gandhi was a magnificent phenomena , who processed every second , who transformed every minute for the better. A few shortcoming everyone has and he also had but he himself said "

Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.".Lets remember the mahatma on his "birth anniversary and world non-violence day" for the truth he stood for , for sacrifice he made , for the pains he underwent for his countrymen .

Like the rain stopped raining

Like the wind stopped blowing

Like the rain stopped raining

Like the birds stopped flying

Like the stars restrained from  shining

The way  you stopped calling

The way you stopped noticing

The way you stopped loving

The way you started forgetting

The way you started departing

Like the trees shedding its leaves 

Like the land started drying

Like the stranger stopped gazing at stars

Like sky started becoming uglier

Like the wings started falling

The way loneliness started captivating me

The way sleepless night became the most frequent encounter

The way I started drowning  more and more in your memories

The way oblivion became more and more familiar

My experience with WORK

The last one month had been mostly engaged directly and at times indirectly to my maiden teaching experience to tribal and village children. and what had been the most astounding outcome of this experience is what I have referred in the heading.
In last 5 years since I have gained some sort of seriousness towards studies , career infact to myself the word "work " had become important for me. Of course most significant being during my preparation times for engineering entrance and few others being  in college scattered in 4th and 6th semester . Sometimes I would be appreciated  for my work or achievement  making  the greed for these praises to be inflated and gradually fuel for my work would shift from the purpose to these appreciation .Which I realized only lately, actually ended up diluting the honesty from my work and so the outcome .
And it is here where my teaching experience in village seem to be contradicting my previous concepts about     work. Thanks to  Anand bhaiya who coordinates "seva samarpan sansthan in UP" who gave me opportunity to meet many wonderful and socially active people. It is here I started getting a lot of appreciation and praises for my work ,  which  I  dont remember when I got this much last time!. And soon i realized that I was actually the buffalo who was being stimulated by the bell but I strictly following old hindi proverb (bhains ke aage been bajaane se kya fayda).

Yes , first time I realized these appreciations were not at all sticking to my identity  perhaps making me feel unworthy of it. First time I realized I was actually drowned fully in my work and nothing else mattered. First time my sense started to rewind those "GITA's verse saying work is the sole purpose of human being".Perhaps teaching those kids out there was very close to my heart or whatever  I know now finally what does it mean to work and yet be able to abstain myself from its result and appreciations because the moment these results and greed for appreciations creep into my work I find work to be slowly diluting and disintegrating and what remains is just me fighting for my own  identity and not for the purpose or cause above all the "WORK".

my hope.....

dreams in eyes grew bigger
eyes started shining brighter

darkness had to take a hide
wings spread apart to take me for a higher ride

finally I was flying in the sky
even the thousand failure began to feel  shy

just when i was ready to get into the rocket
suddenly my searching hands found a long written pages in my pocket

which said
" no matter how many times you have to try
no matter however many  dont care to look into your story before judging you


but to myself i remain a simple lad trying to improve his shortcomings
sometimes missed and sometimes it works for the better
 i still have that one or two friend who knows me for my journey and not for my destination
i still have not lost the faith in "hope " which is indeed the best thing i have known lately."

and finally crowds had to give a standing avation
for my story reaches the last word of its narration.

and yes its all what my small eyes can envision and still dreams
but one thing which i already have attained is
i am currently in relationship with "hope"
 

and i am walking again

Dreams taking a hide in dark shelter

Work enjoying a few extra hours of sleep

Courage still waiting to reload itself

Patience has yet to prove

Well they all seem to be infected by one virus

More communicable then any endemic

More fatal then any disease

Swung my head , few extra deep breath

And the lines I had conceived last month

"in most cases it’s the laziness stopping us do the most marvelous work which we confuse with the risks"

Suddenly after hiccups and belching  came out

Yes I was("only was") also  infected by laziness. 

yes i am walking again.

questioning mind

influenced so much by the relativity ,mind always try to justify every situation and sometimes with very strange logics. even the acts of kindness which seems to instil me with bliss is questioned by mind perhaps sometimes with weirdest of the queries. like  is it really needed to uplift the life of poors  , arent they  used to their living for so many years , do the underprivileged(according to our definitions) really need to be like ours , will I really wish to do for them or is it for myself.

Empathy is nice but there are more then the half whose life is run by violence , epitome of egoism , arrogance irrational thoughts infact they are far more then the "defined goods" around me. And I have found out it’s the case again with more then the half who give some amount of time on analyzing these things.

And still these type of people are able to complete their average life span.wise people say they are ignorant and their soul is always sad and tensed but they claim to be confident and cool.

I know these questions are very strange but I am beginning to realize what I really want to do with my life and all these questions play a role , I don’t think I will be able to go forward without answering these. Though each day a lot of doubt is being cleared else if I had written it down a year ago even 10 pages wont be enough.
 I am beginning to find what I really love to do and I am beginning to find I want to live with love though I have experience hatred as well but I feel I am not made for it for I am not able to keep myself under hatred feeling .even the biggest of shock seem far momentary in front of my happiness period. Still I want to be doubt free before I put forward my next step or perhaps the next step will itself delete these queries or answer them. 

a thought

I just happened to question my feeling good emotions  and suddenly lessons of introspection peeps into my mind and I questioned my mind hey dude! Why are you so happy. And with possible recollection of my most recent memories I remind myself  neither I got 8.47 sgpa , nor was presented by mr president nor was gifted a new bike nor a kiss from my girlfriend ,  neither I have contributed  in anyway to remove corruption , poverty from society nor came out of a 1hr deep meditation. Perhaps I am simply blank with  no reasons and yet happy , feeling so much of love within .

And then I thought now time has come to reason out the difference between present state and when I am in some other state. Now I need to drive my subconscious with my consciousness . I have to think , I have to tell my mind if I  need no reasons to feel the bliss then why not continue being reasonless atleast try it consciously .

 Seriously and I am sure many of would have sometime felt like this and may be not because you forgot to take notice of it. Lets strengthen our consciousness to recognize when we are in positive state , reason it out , continue with it. Because this state of bliss is motivating me to accomplish all those reasons to amplify the present state. The reason to get 8.47sgpa , a kiss from her , make a ngo , contribute to society development , indulge myself in deeper  meditation , and let love which I am feeling within to wander outside and share with the world. And when it happens it’s the simplest logic ever and when don’t it remains a mystery forever.