questioning mind

influenced so much by the relativity ,mind always try to justify every situation and sometimes with very strange logics. even the acts of kindness which seems to instil me with bliss is questioned by mind perhaps sometimes with weirdest of the queries. like  is it really needed to uplift the life of poors  , arent they  used to their living for so many years , do the underprivileged(according to our definitions) really need to be like ours , will I really wish to do for them or is it for myself.

Empathy is nice but there are more then the half whose life is run by violence , epitome of egoism , arrogance irrational thoughts infact they are far more then the "defined goods" around me. And I have found out it’s the case again with more then the half who give some amount of time on analyzing these things.

And still these type of people are able to complete their average life span.wise people say they are ignorant and their soul is always sad and tensed but they claim to be confident and cool.

I know these questions are very strange but I am beginning to realize what I really want to do with my life and all these questions play a role , I don’t think I will be able to go forward without answering these. Though each day a lot of doubt is being cleared else if I had written it down a year ago even 10 pages wont be enough.
 I am beginning to find what I really love to do and I am beginning to find I want to live with love though I have experience hatred as well but I feel I am not made for it for I am not able to keep myself under hatred feeling .even the biggest of shock seem far momentary in front of my happiness period. Still I want to be doubt free before I put forward my next step or perhaps the next step will itself delete these queries or answer them.