It’s a story here at Nit….

  I study in a Nit (Nitc) reservation of 75% makes this name more audible then the national tag it has been associated with.  People out see it as a lack of opportunity we here see it as opportunity for the majority of minorities .  And this makes these Nits full of students from almost all backgrounds.  Though almost 70 % still are from more then well fed family but  those 30% constitutes the real matter within these Nits.

To mention a few , we have got  student whose father is a vegetable vendor , or someone who could not  have ever dared to dream to come here if there would not have been the initiation of Navoday Vidyalay across the nation. There even those whose parents toil hard to earn 8000rs . And there are student in realm of permanent handicap , be it inability to walk , speak clearly , spinal cord twisted unnaturally , dwarfism and many .    And yes like these we have got again millions of handicapped people and economically backward people across country  . . But the story here is different , at least in many of the cases.   And this takes  a time to know , a while to understand , a moment to ponder and make a  conclusion .

  after coming here soon I made so many friends and was fascinated by those companies which comprises of so called "dudes" here. I inevitably one among them had a way of doing subconscious classification on the basis of looks , money , rank and many most superficial qualities . And this went  on unless you spend a time or few with someone . And the times makes the "layer within" visibility always proportional to itself . And then the company changes , friend changes  , new friends are made and again with time you know them better and its during this time you know the real substance which truly makes this or that guy better then the rest , better then a thick pocket guy or wiser then nation's best school student ( not best but the most expensive schools)  .

When you know their story then I realize how shallow is my achievement in front of them . Enrolled In two year course in the most expensive institutions  , sent to kota or Hyderabad toiling all night with only those few newtons equations and then coming with the such flying colors  that  everything becomes invisible in those colors of pride . And when you meet him  studying all by himself , whose parents earn just enough to buy him few notebooks and hire few books and then coming upto here. Or him or few other who couldn’t have been here if their school education wouldn’t have been free . Or like him whom voice hardly you can understand and yes  he is here by reservation but he justifies his reservation studying all day and night when we self called intelligent guys having party outside .

Well the problem is not that we party neither they toil hard and also problem is not that they are rural or talk in a rural tone and we in super urban English vocal .  Problem is also not that they are poorer or we are rich or they cant afford as expensive  cloths , watch as ours . Problem is we apply the differential formula here as well , how can he who can just by his level of volume he speaks  decide that the other one with rural appearance is a bull shit in front of him . Problem is if he cant be as arrogant like you that doesn’t mean you will humiliate him just because you here in majority . And just because he cant speak English as well  (is master of his national language though)    doesn’t meant he is talent less.  And just because he doesn’t look that good you cant ostracize him  or just because he cant speak to you as clearly or he is a bit shy you cant be walking blind onto him .

They are here because of their talent , lets respect them . Lets not be mistaken by superficial insuffiencies .   for the unsaid words always have been the most powerful ………….

When I enter into my 20s......

    when I enter into my 20s …..

When being logical and practical earns the  best  appreciation

But being innocent , lively  renders loneliness

 waving hands , laughing aloud , dancing in the rain is assumed childish , foolish

Love , emotions , philosophy , faith gathers  nuisance  

  and   seriousness  is considered the only good

Lies , fakes , self-obsession, self-praise  has become the only truth

Reflections , accepting mistakes , saying sorry  is a new weakness

Following the majority  subscribes the tag "unfashionable"
But a talk on cell with your parents makes you child 

Praising   your own countrymen makes  "being urban " tag vulnerable

Honesty has  lost the ranking in policies  and remained just  a policy

But  If you  say aloud "I am what I am " you are the only confident
power of fists has again defeated the intelligence , emotions .... 

And as we come at the verge of crossing this 20 … I fear all the above…..

My confessions with traveling….

Year 2005(age 13) and I could remember the first glimpse of my maiden journey to Jamshedpur to Kolkata.  I could still smell the  vicarious excitement , thrill of riding coastal-ride ,feel the pain in the neck in an attempt locate the peak of this   gigantic 28 storey building ,  eyes splitting into four before a couple kissing right there on the airport and many. 

And yes I have been one among the many who always has been excited for the thrill of travelling. But intentions are the one which differentiates my late teenage traveling with those earlier one . For that I must express my confessions with the traveling .  

This one happened on my voyage to Amritapuri (a spirituality centre , to meet on of my friend)   from my college. I could have got few company but preferred going alone. And here goes my first confession. Of course my intentions for visiting Amritapuri was to meet the people from over 60 countries there , talk to them and many. But this one dominated at least throughout the bus journey. Being a crazy srk fan always felt may be I meet my simran and  have similar co-incidences or at least some foreigner fall for me. I still remember I didn’t allow anyone to sit beside my seat , expecting some beautiful lady to take it.

And guess what something similar happened and suddenly two white ladies entered the bus and then one of them herself asked for a seat( I took it as self praise but hen I looked around there were no seat around) and I with my best welcomed her this offer. She was  Jessica melletoni  aged 20 from Sweden accompanied by her friend sitting at the back seat. And then our conversation went for another 4 hours till 2:30 am midnight. And I left myself with no queries unanswered.  Her mother was Indonesian and father Swedish.  When she heard about "Arranged marriage "  she found herself amidst the alien planet   and like that many more examples. We had few snaps even and cashews from Sweden. And while then she slept and bringing an inverted "U" on my face . Soon she almost fell on me but I couldn’t do anything (still regretting)as i could not let the India get down due to me.

The major reason I was here to clarify my bundles of my queries from these people from West . One of them being what makes them to  come for these spirituality  centers. Is this just a trend they are becoming a part of ? Do they really feel for the poorer  here that spend a considerable part of their life spending in helping here ? If this is the way we can help poorer then why not we all go to extreme of physical comforts and come out of depression to help . Either way if it’s a fake or not it helps the needy one so the purpose for them is served.   I was fortunate enough to get few of the guys sharing their experience and story behind the arrival here. The one from Brazil simply came here as a part world tour he had been undertaking. and every new celebration he would take loads of drugs , pills and this time he wanted to have a difference consequently coming here.  The one from German aged just 23 was here to gather  peace , sanity of mind sitting near the sea under the guidance of this spiritual guru "amma" . Also the less expenses made a affordable affair.   . But this French bald guy clothed in "lungi " intrigued me the most. He was only 19 and says he will be staying here throughout his life . He says he doesn’t  know the terms and definitions but  meditations, amma , simple living yet laden with love  has fascinated him more then anything . Even her mother was staying here. And when I asked did he have a girl friend he says now here I am only with my mom .  In spite of all these words he maintained a innocence on his face which  infused the crop of respect for this guy. Because at the end everyone does anything to be satisfied and there are always those  section of people who find others field itching  them.   But the best part was this place certainly had a life . People dancing with all their energy , cast , nationality , religion , poverty were all converging to a singularity.

I am the one always wishing to have adventurous journey but 1st one to escape if the reality meets the wish even tangentially. And i happened to believe in the last statement majorly because of the following incidence in my 1st visit to Cochin around midnight  I and deepraj were busy taking some snaps  lying on the road  at 12 am ,trying all the pose we could and even inventing some and suddenly a large   violent scream of police encountered us first time and we were left with no other options other then to piss in our pants . Adding to our miseries third friend left us citing the police he didn't know us. but ultimately he also was caught and screwed up like us in fact even more.

All messed up in Bangalore  --

It was 1st visit to Bangalore for 6 of us. Plan went like this ,  the 1st day would be for the national park and the night  in the city  malls and all while the following day amidst the  exhilarating water park. And it all started with a plan though I sensed the urgency of change of plans but I was still adamant with the plans. And then we reached the national and as soon our group divided into to two . Suddenly a cold disputed found its place replacing the thrill , excitement.    And I was least interested in sublimating cold war into hot one. Soon we left for the city and we all 6 were in  the night pub in one and only the pub city of India "Bangalore" . For it was the 1st experience and I was still firm not to drink. Finally I with other two left the pub got to the restaurant , had an awesome meal. Then we left for this strangely  adventurous thrilling ride to M.G road. Clock was still striking 9 30 pm. On of the auto thought for us that we are looking for our way to red light area…. And we were still ignorant of these things. But still out of excitement we decided to go and have view  by staying on the pavement , sometimes even hiding and peeping. and it looked equally adventurous though i rejected the idea of pissing this time.   And well the views were eyes boggling. We were confused if men have got the sex inversion or what . I mean there was not a single drop of attraction emerging for them albeit they tried their best. One of our friend became scared seeing them as if they were monsters and soon we left. The next morning we had to leave for water park but all three drunken guys were still sleeping till 1 pm. And finally this plan also had be put an end to.     And so to our Bangalore trip.

At 18   1st time I came out of my native place , like they said the more you maintain a distance to something , someone the nearer  it comes to you. And so is this travelling gradually piercing into my soul , hobby ,beliefs and interests. I may not be a international traveler and neither national. Just  started my voyage to this strangest and yet the only world. And the purpose remains the same , discovering that transparent thread connecting

Every race , religion , nation beliefs , thoughts and yet respecting their diverse traditions , cultures , people .  Learning few other languages  , making some friends in a island midst of pacific ocean , attend a marriage in Jerusalem , having a night camp in Amazon forests , trekking in Iceland , some romance in Paris , a visit to countries like Sudan , Zimbabwe and try finding the thread even in these  extremities ,    

even a trip to Afghanistan to know people's mind putting their own girls behinds the bars , physical torture for almost no mistakes  .
  With these hopefully I give my traveling a strong purpose  which shall fuel my interest in traveling never ceasing.


thanks to http://www.expedia.co.in/.to provide the opportunity to express the travel within me.

Strong reasons

I was asked once why I wanted to peruse research in physics and my reply sounded elegant , clothed with the most attractive words but was beaten in weight , truth , . And then I asked the same question to many  and listened many answering  in fact better would be to say justifying the words which just got out from their mouth a moment ago including me. I mean why someone want to be a IAS officer because he likes it  , or simply he wants to own a district , become powerful(pathetic replies which  I got from the one)  . I ask what power if we don’t know where to invest it. What higher studies if you are doing for just m.tech degree was devised centuries ago.  its like insulting ias profession or a m.tech degree.   And that’s why I found these section of people always faltering .

                and when I meet the honest replies such as "I want to earn money I want to live  and only easiest way possible I see is MBA  or a business , entrepreneurship "  makes me more affirm towards the views expressed in the 1st paragraph.  This guy from my school says he had always loved conceiving physics situations , contradictions , intrigued by E=mc^2 and now he is the one holding phd from mit on some quantum stuffs .

                      

                and when I recapitulate  some of my past  and my experiences with different people as soon i had to vote for this "STRONG REASONS" . Because it’s the only fuel that will make us to take a initiative and to do it till the last as well.  Because this strong reason has no beginning , it’s the function of its own self and always integrating when one acts to satisfy this reason.  And like this ,  we are all in the search of this strong reason before deciding what we have to do with our lives, sometimes knowingly and sometimes unknowingly. Sometimes after making  lies 100 times we realize this reason  and some times even more and still searching ( like what I am going through). And the beauty of this realization is it’s the calmest . A strong reason makes  goal even stronger  and the hard work bridges this gap with ease . And To the world it seems the hardest of the struggles , laden with failures  , greatness , miraculous , magical. But it always was as simple as that finding a "STRONG REASON" 

burying feminineness.....

 Reading 2 books by khaledi hoessini  and watching few documentaries in recent past I have only  come closed to this unique country and few others quite similar in one particular respect.  The thing which most intrigues me is the situation of women here.  Concealing her face all life under  a veil , dumb to every male unless married , life confined for only two activities mating  and cooking and being ignorant from the millions other things which she could do.   This I can say  with even more gravity after  my gaining some experience  in womenology.

 Doesn’t matter where are they from they all dream  , want to smile , dance in rains , learn , compete  head to head with boys ,have liberty , fall in love , kiss , hug, travel , talk , shy , and list goes endless. And when u know there is a corner in this world where girls don’t even know to dream.    And if they do their faces are burnt with acids , beaten on the road ,sexually harassed in midst the crowded street , shot headfront , forced to become whore  and the list goes on.

I would think India has only got the women in critical stage  but the reality  is thousand times severe , critical in Afghanistan , Pakistan , Iran  and few others.  Yes since the Taliban left Afghanistan situations are being healed though at ant's pace . But it all looks swinging like pendulum.  For serious issues such as these it should become an international affair. Countries which claim themselves to be the most powerful , United Nations shall make a separate department for handling these issues. And then it’s a matter of time they continuing this noble work.

Else just like tigers being extinct from earth we may lose a large portion of women( I mean the feminineness , emotions , dream  of a feminine, of course   physically still perfect for animal humans) in near future.
Ultimately all comes to awareness , what influences us what we want to influence , our range of greed , being self-obsessed , ignorance , courage of an individual . Because neither India nor us , Germany or Japan were at peace from the beginning .  Someone struggled , leaded , had courage to do 1st .

Like they said  it was all the matter of choice and its still now and will remain a matter of choice.

running..............

          

He was walking and soon realized walking it wont  be enough and started running  and soon panting , sweating hard and extreme hunger arrested him but all he knew was he had to run and  hence   continued running .

With no signs of what he was looking for,  another hard luck expressed its presence and he was there almost drowning into the 5 and half feet deep, filthy  , smelling like pig's dung . Still all he could remember was running . Thanks to the hard luck at least it gave him sometime get his normal breathing back for the while. Held his hand to nearby hanging branch and pulled it hard to come out of it and started running again like before albeit sense of direction was almost lost. Still he kept running relentlessly. Gradually the sun started to hide creating more and more hurdle for him to run but he was here to run and so he  did without a stop unless soon he found lying himself  down on the heaps of leaves , dung , mud after being hit by tall , wide banyan tree. he felt his head suddenly sweating so  profoundly  till he smelt his hand to know actually it was blood and it was bleeding damn swiftly. With darkness set to rule the whole night , it had already found  its first victim of the night. But as soon as he got back his consciousness  all he was reminded  was of running and soon managed though hard to run again . This time it became even harder with dark night dominating , pain in head growing , shivering with cold and but still running.

And he kept running  , falling , standing , and again running for days , months and now it was years ….    In almost ever direction and finally  something unexpected encountered him , it was his dad and tears in his eyes there 300 meter far. he set the gear , shrugged his shoulder, increased the pace and while this 300 meter gap was decreasing he realized he has started to think. The closer he came the surer he became of  why he was  running for years  and in this direction only… forever for those tiny drops which made him to conclude yes indeed ,  all the past run were connected … and he kept running…..now with a purpose…

Moment of Serenity......

                                                               long  dreams had drenched my eyes  

                                                                                     and suddenly

                   

                                                   echoes of appreciation rekindled the music in my ears

                                                   Waveforms on the lips finally sublimated into the smile

                                                                      wet eyes  gleamed like the beacon

                                            Hands  dispersed  , arms got  wider and the wind came closer

                             Loneliness felt beautiful for rejoicing was for satisfaction , not for the show

                                                      Remembered family-friends , touched dead and alive

                                                                Purpose was served , bliss was discovered

                                                             proving was the point and point was proved

                                                   Past twisted , reshaped ,  rearranged and got connected

                                             all  illusions  became transparent  and love was the only  truth

                                                 stars , moon , good , honesty , benevolence were only seen

                                                                   tried hugging myself and still trying…...             

            "S" , "U" , "C" , "E"  got together to make  this, to make me, to make you, to make all a "SUCCESS"

And soon alarm bell rang…. Eyes were indeed drenched but this time awake…..

A DAY

day full of experiencing almost every major classes of feelings without undergoing neither extremity  of any emotions.
right from the morning the bliss of test going to end  to the  temporary waves of dullness shadowing  across due underdog performance in my favorite subject. the feel of romance while watching "RHTDM" to being thrilled by super stuffs of "quantum of solace". the extreme anger on one of my friend to the nostalgic moments while talking to one of my oldest best friend.  the successful attempts of buying few cloths (of course i look dashing in those) to the regret of excessive expenditure which i was not supposed to do now. the long tiring walk with my best buddies to the joy of having my favorite cuisines.     and the final didnt miss to end on high node by regaining some calmness , happiness , love , and some undefined abstracts sitting beside the seashore ............                  

They just don’t exist

The world and I am the only one

The trees , the sea , the mountains , the clouds , the moon

And am the only one walking , jumping , dancing , laughing, singing

The winter ,the summer , the spring , the rain 

Am the only one shivering , wetting , sweating

The jesus , the allah , the vishnu , the amma

I am the only one praying , beseeching ,wishing

The love , the beauty , the perfection , the kindness , the passion ,

I am the only one loving , staring , becoming , bestowing , living

The world and I am the only one.

The music , the words , the painting , the books

I am the only one listening  , speaking , drawing , reading.

The mum , the dad , the brother , the sister , the friends , the special friends

But I am the only one loving  ,embracing , hugging .

The fear , the hatred , the jealousy , the sex , the death

But I am the only one hating , envying , longing sex , dying.

The men , women , children , the old , the all

And I am the only one living because "THEY JUST DON’T EXIST "

The world and I am the only one.

what i actually meant ..that is y i was till now not able to give my 100% coz of fear , what others think , criticism , hypocrisy ..so y not let i  live as if they just dont exist

The "topic " is inspired by the words of a great architectural engineer Krishna Rao  jaisim during his conversation with deepraj jha.  Word was "they just don’t exist"

Greatest illusion-time

    I tried to remember if is this my 1st new year celebration here at NITC ,then I shook my head  , went through my college pics and soon I got convinced I was once again beaten up by the pace and nature time and once again time made me to affirm my views about its most illusionistic behavior.

Thanks to the "change "  because it only makes me realize this time exists  and thanks to the nature for it always changes without ever turning back. 

My discovery with ocean

Ocean where I realize infinity does exist

Ocean where I am hinted of my limitation

Ocean where opened eyes gives more  relaxation then being closed

Ocean where I discover music in the midst of the noise

Ocean where i dare to see  sky in my reach 

Ocean where i discover success need not be always attributed to how high you fly rather how deep you are

Ocean where I recognize the boon , even in being solitary

Ocean where i realize the depth within and depth outside

Ocean where i smell the odorless

Ocean where i find concept of time fake

Ocean where I see the narrow lining binding and yet separating life and death

Ocean where I wish to ,love to , cherish to go again

Ocean "a heaven in disguise"………………………….

31st december "AN EXPERIENCE"

Woke up late but was fortunate enough to get my token as g2 ( thanks to the distributer )soon my chance to get "amma darshan" came there .I was  on the stage sitting on the chair and in just few minutes  I would be getting the hug of the beloved of many amma. But till now I didn’t get any special feel .though  I knew she is a great spiritualist but rarely that word was  fully grasped by my intellect or consciousness. Well I had heard all start crying just before meeting amma atleast they cry while being hugged but till now I could find no symptoms of my tears. Then suddenly something got triggered  and I begin concentrating , recapitulating all my weakness and sometimes when I become so desperate with them.  I started praying for these weakness to die away as I get closer to my amma darshan or her hug.  Finally I had my hug , I told my weakness but I don’t know what she did reply but instead I  got  to know I had fever , which surprisingly started just after I got this message atleast I felt like so.

Then just before leaving this place I met this brazillian guy who seemed to be lost into meditation and when I checked him up he had tears in his eyes and he seemed a lot tensed then on asking his story he told he came here with his sister and wanted meet amma as he had heard lot about her . He said he was fed up of always partying , drinking and taking drugs on smallest of the occasions so this time he thought to chose the difference. He had been to "wrishikesh"  and "dharmshala " before.
And then came the time for me to leave to my alma matter nitc. But suddenly I didn’t know this would be the answer to my first weakness which soon I understood , I almost had put my steps into bus (the last bus to nitc) then I thought 31st december on the bus will be so horrible ,  and hope of someone that I may see again and this time surely will say the words kept me alive and put my  steps back . I even tried searching that one  for the while and was almost firmed to talk this time.  Unfortunately till now no signs of that someone. Still these things happens and  I didn’t know that these incidences will help me reveal my answers which were buried for years. What a unique way . That’s the positive aspect of visiting these places ( though I landed up here accidently with purely other intentions). Feeling awesome , felt music of my heart (laughter) like never before  had dj like never where we danced for ourselves in pure consciousness not to show and in semi conscious state. And I had never done this , sat at  stretch of almost 4 hours with slightest of the movements and slightest of alien thoughts coming into my mind.

And here again unexpected made my day memorable , a day to cherish for life time , a new year celebration I shall never forget and hopefully next year again I come here to dance to sing to  enjoy to live the moment.

My affairs with winter

 well this winter is making me respond like never before , after almost 3 years of gap I am feeling the change , the change in surrounding temperature . I was pretty used to so even weather in these 2years now the winter is causing a great hurdle for me at the same time enjoying like never before , the beauty of nature . Sleeping  sleeping and sleeping up to even 16 hrs someday .. Feeling  as if I am rusted   , legs frozen , ears shrunk lying all day inside the blanket sometimes even immersing my whole body into this 7*7 feet square blanket along with my dell laptop and then with all comfort logging  into my facebook account.   I know that these are only  few days I am going to spend with winter  .
winter has got one more beauty hidden into it "the silence". You don’t really have to try for it , I just let my media player closed , doors closed air tight , windows open waiting till 11 30 pm and there's the winter's greatest offerings to me , you and all. If you are not going through  any tough phase ( I passed my 3rd semester ) then you may even realize momentary serenity . Besides these  everything seems to be rediscovering its beauty and help finding mine and realize again I am nothing in front of the divine nature and yet  seeking motivation from this winter I can be so much more .So its not just the season it’s the blessing in disguise. I love it , respect it cherish it and if luck persists i will make it count as well.  So I am making it large are you also ?.....

So many roads still they see just a narrow line

Its what I concluded when tried conversing with the previous generation . Many times these conversation got sublimated into violent arguments which has only one way to end , "ashish stop the nonsense and get lost".

What I concluded from these so many incidences our parents missed the technologies so desperately. Though they might have never felt that just like an ant living inside a hole has all its world confined to hole only can never know what other insect may think and do and live. (some may ask why don’t I blame these ant , my logic is they don’t interfere into another  world , they live only what they know so let them)  .

Term "technology"  , I am trying to use just as a example which is one out of infinitely many to make my point clearer. Technology gave us internet , mobile phones , television , radio and so many sources of  raw information. And now we being humans used are intellect and ethics to mould this raw information into valuable and some to not so valuable knowledge.  Atleast when I was In class 8th I knew so many things going around like riots due to religion , caste , love marriage , arrange marriage , Einstein and lalu prasad yadav . By the time I was in 12th I became wiser ( with respect to myself ofcourse) and I came to know  so many things going around the world right from the hub of brothels to hub of makka , Vivekananda to Osama bin laden , higher studies in us to world's favorite destinations, sex ,addictions , lust , politics and many. By the time I became a 2nd year undergraduate student I could now chose what I want to do from any among the above and yet continue my grasp of raw information.

And when I think about parents and many elderly teachers even ,   I see them marching  ahead in a very narrow confined tunnel consisting of engineering , marks , pointer , arrange marriage , same caste utmost important , earn money , money and so many diverse things . And If my domain object these then  I have to be the victim of their words , actions and and end ruining my life unless I am another einstein or dhiru ambani.  And the reason being when I  , in my childhood was playing vedio games , watching tv they were stuck to their books , family , food , and superstitions while  girls especially  to god , god or god. So they have to be ignorant.  And what they argue with their "sole tool experience"

."child you inexperience , you have not seen the world so keep shut" :( ...

I have always believed that you are not great if you are doing correct things without knowing the wrong one unless you are aware of the both and decide by your consciousness and do correct. And it’s the case with majority of middle class indian parents and and it increases by manifolds if you go to rural india.

So basically these gen-previous are already ripen so we cant expect them to change other then be rotten. What good is gen-next has got the hope for bringing the change to our country. And knowing that everything has its own positive and negative and we have to choose which has got positive on its majority side.

Lets hope for the best.

Amen!

2 faces of a coin

Every time around my intuition or to say my subconscious keeps giving me hint or a better way to say would be a  satisfactory  explanation of so many things happening around. This time guess what 1 rupee coin has inspired me to give a deeper thought to it. I know a lot of time this pair of faces of coin has got its name in books , speeches , poetry , memoirs and many  others for comparisions. May be at the end u will find I am just adding one more to this list and may be not (like me and XYZ)

 as I see me I see two ashish . As I see my some of my closest friends and with the proper spectrometer fit into my  eyes I see two individuals . As I see my brother , sister and let them pass through prism I see them splitting into two. And mostly these two faces are complementary just like you cant have a coin with two heads or 2 tails. You need to have both to make it a coin. One face which has its origin right from its birth , it’s the most natural and purest while the  other face is continuously evolving to make him a more developed person. The other face is being developed to win the race , to reach the mountain , to face the world.Ofcourse sometimes just like the electromagnetic rays spectra one face is dominant while other being less.

 The best would be to consider a person named "XYZ" and take his example in detail. And its not at all fictitious.
He had always been the most careless , free , no meaning whatsoever to his surrounding , no news of the world , he is into his own world always enjoying , laughing , smiling and  though not expressing love the closest to him know he loves also as he smiles. He is the laziest , sometimes even cry when alone , aims too big and wishes to do everything he is attracted to without any inch of shame and more.

But as grows he sees the world , observes the people around and gradually he comes to know few things about  life and its  goals and people here are not so simple. There are lots twists and turns . Everything spiral and curved . And in the process he starts thinking and acquiring all those traits which he has not . And since these are acquired he rarely gains perfection over these. And soon XYZ becomes more careful , a little shy of people , a little conscious of what others may think or say , loses his laziness to some extent as he knows the significance of swiftness .and hence he ends up escaping so many crimes and even great works. And to the world it seems as XYZ has become more matured and responsible. 

But to the core of himself XYZ knows he is still the happiest and at peace when he is at its natural state and that’s why whenever coin is tossed he chooses one either head or tail according to his natural state.

Experience doesn’t guarantee maturity

If really the quantity of experience could unlock the doors of maturity then what could happen. Lets try conceiving its consequences.

I would always have put an end to any argument related to my carelessness , even studies just by reminding my opposition that let time come and my experience increase , I will definitely overcome these. A 25 year old Nobel laureate would not have been so.   Intelligence might not have got its worth. Speed would have lost its charm. Young talents would have rare meanings. And so many waiting on the list.

Fortunately  the title of this post is correct and we don’t have to live with all the above consequences which seem to contradict almost all the possible day to day common thoughts.  And those which don’t come within that "almost" is the reason behind my writing this post.

My grandparents , parents and many guardians still  using their loud roar of their long experience to shut my mouth in every argument that arises thinking  they are always  correct just because they are double or triple of our age.  Consequently still our sister fear come out of their prolonged meaningless boundaries set by our ancestor. We are still forced to become blind to any different  career other then mba , b.tech , medicals and few others(of  course we have got exceptions infact these days atleast the new upcoming generation is becoming resistant to these superstitions) , still in many families meaningless tensions , calamities keep occurring , a man who was born to be next Einstein ends up being super intelligent bargainer while shopping roaming around his wife , a girl who was meant to be next aurundhiti roy ends being the pride of a "thakur family"(what pride let their family member understand only) and you all can think of many , I guess...

What my question is what's  the point of gaining experiences in heaps and bound just by consuming kilos of rice if you don’t mind looking back at you and not able to learn from those experiences to deliver a change to long rusted thoughts of yourself. And that’s the point which I wanted to make simply gaining experience don’t guarantee maturity because maturity demands extra effort and it doesn’t come for free. We have to be learning every moment to become mature and be able to exploit the fullest of our experiences.

Fortunately gen next that is our generation seem to be more smart in this case and that’s the hope for upcoming healthy society. Lets open our eyes and show our elders and many more that maturity counts and not the experience. They will believe only when they will see the result and results we have to conceive for then only we will be released of the captive thoughts and actions of our parents and elders. ( well this is for many like me and I know for many this is is not the case) 

Courtesy (http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/) as the following topic has been taken from  this page.

Difference - a different take on this

Religious people say everything is made out of god , physicist say everything  has come out of pure energy and like that different diverse of people have different take on this. And for a common man like me it these all always seem a mile ahead of our thinking ability.

What I wonder is upon is on the word "difference"  . It’s the magnitude of this word that makes all the above theory correct or wrong. A minor difference leading to major difference. A small habit becoming a character. A small set of protons creating altogether a different universe. A second passed away makes the present a past and future to present.  A small different view resulting in so many groups , casts , state and country.

So what is worth noticing  down the line is , everything , every thought , everyone , every moment , every community , every religion are trying to stabilize their position but the margin is small. The all are hanging on along limiting radius of different difference. All trying to claim their concentric radii . And ignorantly ignoring the truth that , the centre is all same. Whatever distance we go we all are bound  to be the part of the same centre. And as we go more far from the centre and fix are orbit  we are more bound to see more and more differences  around ourselves.

And the result is the divided world , country , state , family , people  , religion. We all tend to associate ourselves with different differences. So lets try opening our eyes and if not the centre we can be part of more then one concentric circles..

Rain - the temporary connection to .....

today i happened to go for a walk after a long gap but the love of rain caught me again....and all i could do was to sit on the floor of the corridor see its raining sometimes heavily and  sometimes "haule haule "
 and i suddenly started typing some words on cell in the "notes" ......

sitting on the floor of the corridor
in front of its raining vigour
thoughts still like trees
started walking (fortunately had umbrella)
drops of imagination trying to fall upon the skull
but the umbrella had the resistance to offer
drops of water destroying apart
but with the satisfaction its life proved worth
grasses , leaves air rediscovering its lost elegance
even the artificial cemented road
humbly thanks the rain
finally weights to bear has fall
she got the courage to dance
to defy her worldly  , shyness ,fears
 spread her arms and accept the warmth
soul has got its transparency back
because its raining because its raining

suddenly the rain stopped
, umbrella folded down and imagination
yes imagination of tomorrow's lab again overshadowed my mind
and made me realize
soul is still deep inside the  abyss.
( guys seriously its not the attempt to write a poem i know i am too bad at it..............)

A New World - Ego is the Ruler, Our Sensations are the follower where innocence and love are only in movies

       

One of my friend celebrated his birthday few days before  had a little late party till 5 am . He gave a surprise party the same night surprising everyone with 15 bottles of bear , 20 packets  cigarettes and freshly prepared "charas  and gaanja dunno exactly "  .They were full on with beer , wine and the non -stop smoking while some even went a step ahead and tried "charas" some tried 1st time . I got to know all this when suddenly a quarrel broke out and loud abusive words woke me up . And this time victim had no right to offend himself because he was beaten up when he was drunk . Which in a college no big case to filed case against.

I once happened to ask one of my colleague what's the pleasure he discovers when he is in the famous state of "going hangover" and  " its ultimate ashish , you lose yourself , you lose your pain , weight and everything you feel is simply ultimate" which I really found so so funny. And when I was in the process of giving a second thought to this wine or beer  I reminded my happiest moments and soon I recollected lots of those and some of them was few hours ago only . And to my surprise I found most of the reasons were simply and nothing and to maximum to the joy of drinking bournvita when I used to offend milk. And there was no wine to the far extent. And what struck to me was if I am already finding so many happy moments when I am conscious then why trying to dig joy even in subconscious state. 

( really sorry for misguiding from the topic but that’s I am , sometime I even don’t know where I am leading and still its not wine affect)

And then I realized something "we always try to fill our empty spaces and materials simply add to our empty spaces " . So what I found after asking so many of my friends actually they started drinking or smoking or any such activities because some other did it. And when they started it was liked by their physical sensation and soon it got stuck to their ego from then its simply ego ruling and sensation following. I am still not offending drinking or sort of but simply drinking to lose sensation and feel the ultimate seems so fake. Its simply cheating ourselves and losing our true-self called innocence. And slowly these habits become ego-balloons making them almost resistant to everything.

This is just one example , likewise there are so so many cases where we are simply trying to do everything or anything which only few do or which gives us fame or so many. And hence igniting so many negative traits  like jealousy , fake to ourselves , negative , egoistic , untrustworthy , losing love , emotionless and lot of those. Amid these all we lose ourselves. We rarely talk to ourselves and try to understand the real need real matter lying inside us.

And I know all those who are in this new world including me will rarely grasp it as I know every word of it will shoot their ego-balloon.

End on this note

Hope that day comes when we do everything we love and love with purest of our innocence. That wont be the state of nirvana but it will be drinking yet loving , trendy yet respecting , competitive   yet no jealousy.

TEJASWEE RAO

I DIDN’T KNOW TILL  FEW HOURS AGO ABOUT , HAD NEVER HEARD ABOUT AND OFCOURSE NEVER SAW YOU.  But in a blink of the moment she has forced me to think upon it not only her but about me , my life and many more.  Of course while I am writing this because I heard some unheard urgency being cited by my intuition and I love to be tamed by  my intuition. 

Tejaswee Rao 19 jan 1991 to 11 aug 2010.          

As I was going through my usual surfing of blogs I came across Tejaswee's mother's  blog (http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/ and from their I managed to land on tejaswee's blog (last post being on 29th july) .     

And just by reading blogs I know many will offend saying " isnt it too early to get inspired"  . My answer will be intuition believes in nanoseconds .

 And the very 1st post (http://blabberblah.wordpress.com/2009/08/25/a-letter-to-the-future/) of her was remarkable revealing all her innocence , truthfulness , rare one of her age to show eagerness awareness towards poor  and vey confident at adopting a daughter will surely make your eyes wet once. And when you do a extra search by seeing the comments by her close ones and her impact on them you will get know what "gold" we have lost. Her charming beautiful face through the instant photographs taken aptly depicts her innocence. And seriously I have rarely came across innocence faces means the moment you see them you feel the brightness in them . And these innocence faces are mostly behind some of the hugest achievement of the mankind.  And seriously she was so loving and lovable as well. 

Hereby I am proud to be going through her blogs and seriously some part of myself( atleast of this moment) must  not be complete without this.  You have inspired me for this moment and my moment makes my life. Thank you

Rest in peace "TEJASWEE RAO"