Why I chose to be a theist

It didn’t happen in a day . I am confident and if not its due to my weakness and I very well know that if I am the only remote control of my happiness I can with dedicated efforts make this venture feasible one  . And for this part I will not have to introduce a 3rd person or a god or an almighty  to make this possible for me. If I am to build a 10 million dollar empire or create social equity in a particular area with my work  and if I am determined for these then I may not be praying in front of god but relying all upon my dedication and If I lose its my mistake.

And if I lose always , still there's a hope within me because of only me that I can yet again bring a change , rectify further my mistakes , learn from them and give a best shot in next attempt.   

Perhaps above assumption were true only under one condition if I am the only  "I" . But the problem is I am bestowed with a wonderful family , best of the friends and few others as well and remaining humanity as well.  I , studying in nit Calicut 3000km away from parents  suddenly hear a news flash "earthquake of 7.2 rector scale hit the northern region of Bihar and some parts in west Bengal" . Then my younger brother is almost at the stage of formal education breakdown . And then there is Mumbai 26th November grievous blast revisited and so many.

I would have still preferred to be an atheist if I had not have been emotionally connected to them if the fear of death of my parents would not have shaken me a bit ,if the sullen dark clouds overcastting the future of my brother would not have bothered for me a second , if the deaths of thousands of humans would not have appeared as my own loss for the moment at least.

And hence I   am a theist for I need  this virtual pillar to hold my hand amidst all the troubles . I mean troubles which are out of my remote control . I cant control the death of my parents during an earthquake , I cant tame my brother to work sincerely for his future , I cant always stop the terrorist to enter my country . And hence I need a pillar to support by , I need a word to chant , the unseen to whom I can pray when I am in despair when people I love are in despair for I can control only mine .

May that be ,so called god or almighty  be the flask full of my own faith or trust but being a theist only  makes this flask visible .   

And it will be too arrogant of myself if I still give credit to the pillar or flask or the god  for only taking care of my  loved once , and hence it makes me a complete theist or at least till I find some other theory to defy this. 

SAILING......

It’s a strange story of a lad

Of all those dreams once he had

For those he gave his best try

He worked relentlessly without  a cry

For almost couple of years

Overcoming all the fears and tears

And then came the judgment  day

Only to bring him ,his maiden dismay

 but life had to go on

With acceptance that days of despair have gone

Then for  almost a year

Smile , freedom was only near

For he has now no dream

And hence the smile had to lose the gleam

Then one day his long forgotten childhood stargaze

in no time  came within  his chase

But only after a month did he realize

The emptiness has again begun to emphasize

For now he hated what is bestowed

Attraction was only  the unseen road

Finding himself amidst the loop oscillation

Of the two worlds between love and aversion

He now relates himself to this quote

"Artist  love only for second

The next hour they are bored or frustrated

For dynamic change only makes them moving"

But strangely  he had no artistic talents as well

Except this strange relation to this quote to tell…..

His plans , dreams needed lot of reconstruction

For now life has taken a halt on new junction

But one thing he concluded this birthday

That life has still to cover 3/4th of the  tray...

Exemption.....

Freedom of mind liberty of thinking

Exemption from all the named human relations

Immune to all the emotions

Illusion is the only difference between truth and false

Expectation from others becomes senseless

Center of happiness confines within oneself

The road ahead has only one's footsteps

Permanence loses its durability

 people come people go but you remain....

with you forever....

Since I

Since I failed  I know I want to succeed

Since I cried I know I want to smile

Since I lost I know I want to discover

Since I broke I know I want to make

Since I born I know I want to live

As I face the rising sun in the sky

As I face the rising sun in the sky

I imagine the vast beauty of my untold story yet to come

As I  try locating the extremity of the ocean

 I discover the vast talent ready to be exploited by motivation 

As I see falling rain sanctifying the dusted road

I seek the urgency to rectify the wrongs I have committed

as i see my name dissolving into the sands

i see my name gaining the omnipresence

as i find myself in midst of demotivating lands

the horizon of infinite inspiration discloses itself

............

 

seeking motivation

As I peep into the hole in the door ….

I see him flying with the wing

And I seek motivation

As I peep into the hole in the door…

I see him performing on the stage with all the confidence …

And I seek motivation

As I peep into the hole in the door….

I see the smile of pure innocence

And I seek motivation

As I sit on the bench  in my orchard

I see him becoming a hero from nowhere

And I seek motivation

As I sit on the bench  in my orchard

I see him smiling for his successful friend

And I seek motivation

lets grant them also "stay free"

    This struck me first when I was studying in class 11th and there was some carpentering work being done in my house. And then I met with this 11 year boy I mean 11 year orphan working here all the day I mean tolerating physical pain , loudest of the  screeching from his elder co-workers. As no 11 year old lad in this would ever cherish to do  this .Then I faintly remember this guy , cant guess the age for he was too far , sitting on a hanging support from a 14 storey building in midst of  burning sun painting the apartment. And then few thoughts began to link within me . May be the 11 year old's dad had fallen from there  or may be there one more on the corner to taste the orphanage. For their life is unsecured and people least bothered  for they earn just 75 Rs for performing all these life risking activities and yet  hiding their fear , compulsion and even if they are visible people are quick enough to attain  blindness towards them.

Well this  class of people who are neither under BPL to utilize some  offers by government neither a lower middle class henceforth  always find themselves grinding between the two.  And these workers are spread all across country . But their prime heritage stays mostly in Bihar , Jharkhand and West Bengal.  Staying away from their family for months and sometimes even years and yet bringing just enough to home bear the two times meal.

These conclusion strengthened due to  survey in these places done in  our college for the construction mega hostel where around 2000 workers are hired , there being 95 %  from Bihar and West Bengal. And among them 50% are in the age group 17 to 21.  The age when we are enrolled into college they are forced to become a worker. The age when i am busy writing blogs , watching movies , traveling new places they travel only 3000km to reach Kerala to get few hundreds more and remain doomed into this hell of physical work blended with only humiliation , disrespect ,  sometimes unexpected disease then expected only misfortunes.

I had intense  conversation with few of them and most of them were around 18.( for detailed discussion see - http://themissionbridge.wordpress.com/) And one thing remained common with all of them. They all left their studies for their parents cant afford the education and they had to earn to assist in his sister's marriage , father's health. Sometimes doomed by prolonged frustrations they would run away from the family and come here . And when they come here though they are toiling almost 14 hours daily and earning just 5000rs every month . But this physical pain is far less then that mental torture they have to face everyday.   

And this becomes chain , for most of these workers  can never earn enough to deliver education to their 

Children and ultimately they will help in rotation of this cycle of struggle and illiteracy.   And this indeed constitute a thick population portion of our country .

And the most unfortunate part is that we don’t have any solution for this remedy. In fact why will we have . In fact many of them reply me with this - "they work to earn we also work to earn so whats the difference . And they are getting two times meal isnt it enough ". 

To repair this we  don’t need any  machine for machine can only correct not heal . We need more organization , people , awareness entering into these sections. Education for these sets of people should

be given some sort of liberalization , financially.  Because when I talked to them I realized they lacked awareness. A need of education was surely pending there. To change the present generation of workers

 is almost impossible , but what is possible is to teach their children , educate them , let them remain no more oblivious to the world , people around . Let   them exploit education for healing their generation and their yet to come children. Then shall we bring a gap in this chain constituting of education.For they are also Indian and above all human beings like we you and them. Only mistake they did were they decided to born in poor family .

Thanks to Stayfree (http://www.facebook.com/sftimetochange)for giving me the opportunity to speak my heart out. To bring whatever little  awareness I contain. For sharing good is in fact the only good and the only way to stay free forever . Free from destitution , violence , hatred , discrimination , superstition . 

Ending on the node with a  line cited by Charlie Chaplin in movie "the great dictator"  .... "LETS UNITE"..and....

Stayfree....

It’s a story here at Nit….

  I study in a Nit (Nitc) reservation of 75% makes this name more audible then the national tag it has been associated with.  People out see it as a lack of opportunity we here see it as opportunity for the majority of minorities .  And this makes these Nits full of students from almost all backgrounds.  Though almost 70 % still are from more then well fed family but  those 30% constitutes the real matter within these Nits.

To mention a few , we have got  student whose father is a vegetable vendor , or someone who could not  have ever dared to dream to come here if there would not have been the initiation of Navoday Vidyalay across the nation. There even those whose parents toil hard to earn 8000rs . And there are student in realm of permanent handicap , be it inability to walk , speak clearly , spinal cord twisted unnaturally , dwarfism and many .    And yes like these we have got again millions of handicapped people and economically backward people across country  . . But the story here is different , at least in many of the cases.   And this takes  a time to know , a while to understand , a moment to ponder and make a  conclusion .

  after coming here soon I made so many friends and was fascinated by those companies which comprises of so called "dudes" here. I inevitably one among them had a way of doing subconscious classification on the basis of looks , money , rank and many most superficial qualities . And this went  on unless you spend a time or few with someone . And the times makes the "layer within" visibility always proportional to itself . And then the company changes , friend changes  , new friends are made and again with time you know them better and its during this time you know the real substance which truly makes this or that guy better then the rest , better then a thick pocket guy or wiser then nation's best school student ( not best but the most expensive schools)  .

When you know their story then I realize how shallow is my achievement in front of them . Enrolled In two year course in the most expensive institutions  , sent to kota or Hyderabad toiling all night with only those few newtons equations and then coming with the such flying colors  that  everything becomes invisible in those colors of pride . And when you meet him  studying all by himself , whose parents earn just enough to buy him few notebooks and hire few books and then coming upto here. Or him or few other who couldn’t have been here if their school education wouldn’t have been free . Or like him whom voice hardly you can understand and yes  he is here by reservation but he justifies his reservation studying all day and night when we self called intelligent guys having party outside .

Well the problem is not that we party neither they toil hard and also problem is not that they are rural or talk in a rural tone and we in super urban English vocal .  Problem is also not that they are poorer or we are rich or they cant afford as expensive  cloths , watch as ours . Problem is we apply the differential formula here as well , how can he who can just by his level of volume he speaks  decide that the other one with rural appearance is a bull shit in front of him . Problem is if he cant be as arrogant like you that doesn’t mean you will humiliate him just because you here in majority . And just because he cant speak English as well  (is master of his national language though)    doesn’t meant he is talent less.  And just because he doesn’t look that good you cant ostracize him  or just because he cant speak to you as clearly or he is a bit shy you cant be walking blind onto him .

They are here because of their talent , lets respect them . Lets not be mistaken by superficial insuffiencies .   for the unsaid words always have been the most powerful ………….

When I enter into my 20s......

    when I enter into my 20s …..

When being logical and practical earns the  best  appreciation

But being innocent , lively  renders loneliness

 waving hands , laughing aloud , dancing in the rain is assumed childish , foolish

Love , emotions , philosophy , faith gathers  nuisance  

  and   seriousness  is considered the only good

Lies , fakes , self-obsession, self-praise  has become the only truth

Reflections , accepting mistakes , saying sorry  is a new weakness

Following the majority  subscribes the tag "unfashionable"
But a talk on cell with your parents makes you child 

Praising   your own countrymen makes  "being urban " tag vulnerable

Honesty has  lost the ranking in policies  and remained just  a policy

But  If you  say aloud "I am what I am " you are the only confident
power of fists has again defeated the intelligence , emotions .... 

And as we come at the verge of crossing this 20 … I fear all the above…..

My confessions with traveling….

Year 2005(age 13) and I could remember the first glimpse of my maiden journey to Jamshedpur to Kolkata.  I could still smell the  vicarious excitement , thrill of riding coastal-ride ,feel the pain in the neck in an attempt locate the peak of this   gigantic 28 storey building ,  eyes splitting into four before a couple kissing right there on the airport and many. 

And yes I have been one among the many who always has been excited for the thrill of travelling. But intentions are the one which differentiates my late teenage traveling with those earlier one . For that I must express my confessions with the traveling .  

This one happened on my voyage to Amritapuri (a spirituality centre , to meet on of my friend)   from my college. I could have got few company but preferred going alone. And here goes my first confession. Of course my intentions for visiting Amritapuri was to meet the people from over 60 countries there , talk to them and many. But this one dominated at least throughout the bus journey. Being a crazy srk fan always felt may be I meet my simran and  have similar co-incidences or at least some foreigner fall for me. I still remember I didn’t allow anyone to sit beside my seat , expecting some beautiful lady to take it.

And guess what something similar happened and suddenly two white ladies entered the bus and then one of them herself asked for a seat( I took it as self praise but hen I looked around there were no seat around) and I with my best welcomed her this offer. She was  Jessica melletoni  aged 20 from Sweden accompanied by her friend sitting at the back seat. And then our conversation went for another 4 hours till 2:30 am midnight. And I left myself with no queries unanswered.  Her mother was Indonesian and father Swedish.  When she heard about "Arranged marriage "  she found herself amidst the alien planet   and like that many more examples. We had few snaps even and cashews from Sweden. And while then she slept and bringing an inverted "U" on my face . Soon she almost fell on me but I couldn’t do anything (still regretting)as i could not let the India get down due to me.

The major reason I was here to clarify my bundles of my queries from these people from West . One of them being what makes them to  come for these spirituality  centers. Is this just a trend they are becoming a part of ? Do they really feel for the poorer  here that spend a considerable part of their life spending in helping here ? If this is the way we can help poorer then why not we all go to extreme of physical comforts and come out of depression to help . Either way if it’s a fake or not it helps the needy one so the purpose for them is served.   I was fortunate enough to get few of the guys sharing their experience and story behind the arrival here. The one from Brazil simply came here as a part world tour he had been undertaking. and every new celebration he would take loads of drugs , pills and this time he wanted to have a difference consequently coming here.  The one from German aged just 23 was here to gather  peace , sanity of mind sitting near the sea under the guidance of this spiritual guru "amma" . Also the less expenses made a affordable affair.   . But this French bald guy clothed in "lungi " intrigued me the most. He was only 19 and says he will be staying here throughout his life . He says he doesn’t  know the terms and definitions but  meditations, amma , simple living yet laden with love  has fascinated him more then anything . Even her mother was staying here. And when I asked did he have a girl friend he says now here I am only with my mom .  In spite of all these words he maintained a innocence on his face which  infused the crop of respect for this guy. Because at the end everyone does anything to be satisfied and there are always those  section of people who find others field itching  them.   But the best part was this place certainly had a life . People dancing with all their energy , cast , nationality , religion , poverty were all converging to a singularity.

I am the one always wishing to have adventurous journey but 1st one to escape if the reality meets the wish even tangentially. And i happened to believe in the last statement majorly because of the following incidence in my 1st visit to Cochin around midnight  I and deepraj were busy taking some snaps  lying on the road  at 12 am ,trying all the pose we could and even inventing some and suddenly a large   violent scream of police encountered us first time and we were left with no other options other then to piss in our pants . Adding to our miseries third friend left us citing the police he didn't know us. but ultimately he also was caught and screwed up like us in fact even more.

All messed up in Bangalore  --

It was 1st visit to Bangalore for 6 of us. Plan went like this ,  the 1st day would be for the national park and the night  in the city  malls and all while the following day amidst the  exhilarating water park. And it all started with a plan though I sensed the urgency of change of plans but I was still adamant with the plans. And then we reached the national and as soon our group divided into to two . Suddenly a cold disputed found its place replacing the thrill , excitement.    And I was least interested in sublimating cold war into hot one. Soon we left for the city and we all 6 were in  the night pub in one and only the pub city of India "Bangalore" . For it was the 1st experience and I was still firm not to drink. Finally I with other two left the pub got to the restaurant , had an awesome meal. Then we left for this strangely  adventurous thrilling ride to M.G road. Clock was still striking 9 30 pm. On of the auto thought for us that we are looking for our way to red light area…. And we were still ignorant of these things. But still out of excitement we decided to go and have view  by staying on the pavement , sometimes even hiding and peeping. and it looked equally adventurous though i rejected the idea of pissing this time.   And well the views were eyes boggling. We were confused if men have got the sex inversion or what . I mean there was not a single drop of attraction emerging for them albeit they tried their best. One of our friend became scared seeing them as if they were monsters and soon we left. The next morning we had to leave for water park but all three drunken guys were still sleeping till 1 pm. And finally this plan also had be put an end to.     And so to our Bangalore trip.

At 18   1st time I came out of my native place , like they said the more you maintain a distance to something , someone the nearer  it comes to you. And so is this travelling gradually piercing into my soul , hobby ,beliefs and interests. I may not be a international traveler and neither national. Just  started my voyage to this strangest and yet the only world. And the purpose remains the same , discovering that transparent thread connecting

Every race , religion , nation beliefs , thoughts and yet respecting their diverse traditions , cultures , people .  Learning few other languages  , making some friends in a island midst of pacific ocean , attend a marriage in Jerusalem , having a night camp in Amazon forests , trekking in Iceland , some romance in Paris , a visit to countries like Sudan , Zimbabwe and try finding the thread even in these  extremities ,    

even a trip to Afghanistan to know people's mind putting their own girls behinds the bars , physical torture for almost no mistakes  .
  With these hopefully I give my traveling a strong purpose  which shall fuel my interest in traveling never ceasing.


thanks to http://www.expedia.co.in/.to provide the opportunity to express the travel within me.

Strong reasons

I was asked once why I wanted to peruse research in physics and my reply sounded elegant , clothed with the most attractive words but was beaten in weight , truth , . And then I asked the same question to many  and listened many answering  in fact better would be to say justifying the words which just got out from their mouth a moment ago including me. I mean why someone want to be a IAS officer because he likes it  , or simply he wants to own a district , become powerful(pathetic replies which  I got from the one)  . I ask what power if we don’t know where to invest it. What higher studies if you are doing for just m.tech degree was devised centuries ago.  its like insulting ias profession or a m.tech degree.   And that’s why I found these section of people always faltering .

                and when I meet the honest replies such as "I want to earn money I want to live  and only easiest way possible I see is MBA  or a business , entrepreneurship "  makes me more affirm towards the views expressed in the 1st paragraph.  This guy from my school says he had always loved conceiving physics situations , contradictions , intrigued by E=mc^2 and now he is the one holding phd from mit on some quantum stuffs .

                      

                and when I recapitulate  some of my past  and my experiences with different people as soon i had to vote for this "STRONG REASONS" . Because it’s the only fuel that will make us to take a initiative and to do it till the last as well.  Because this strong reason has no beginning , it’s the function of its own self and always integrating when one acts to satisfy this reason.  And like this ,  we are all in the search of this strong reason before deciding what we have to do with our lives, sometimes knowingly and sometimes unknowingly. Sometimes after making  lies 100 times we realize this reason  and some times even more and still searching ( like what I am going through). And the beauty of this realization is it’s the calmest . A strong reason makes  goal even stronger  and the hard work bridges this gap with ease . And To the world it seems the hardest of the struggles , laden with failures  , greatness , miraculous , magical. But it always was as simple as that finding a "STRONG REASON" 

burying feminineness.....

 Reading 2 books by khaledi hoessini  and watching few documentaries in recent past I have only  come closed to this unique country and few others quite similar in one particular respect.  The thing which most intrigues me is the situation of women here.  Concealing her face all life under  a veil , dumb to every male unless married , life confined for only two activities mating  and cooking and being ignorant from the millions other things which she could do.   This I can say  with even more gravity after  my gaining some experience  in womenology.

 Doesn’t matter where are they from they all dream  , want to smile , dance in rains , learn , compete  head to head with boys ,have liberty , fall in love , kiss , hug, travel , talk , shy , and list goes endless. And when u know there is a corner in this world where girls don’t even know to dream.    And if they do their faces are burnt with acids , beaten on the road ,sexually harassed in midst the crowded street , shot headfront , forced to become whore  and the list goes on.

I would think India has only got the women in critical stage  but the reality  is thousand times severe , critical in Afghanistan , Pakistan , Iran  and few others.  Yes since the Taliban left Afghanistan situations are being healed though at ant's pace . But it all looks swinging like pendulum.  For serious issues such as these it should become an international affair. Countries which claim themselves to be the most powerful , United Nations shall make a separate department for handling these issues. And then it’s a matter of time they continuing this noble work.

Else just like tigers being extinct from earth we may lose a large portion of women( I mean the feminineness , emotions , dream  of a feminine, of course   physically still perfect for animal humans) in near future.
Ultimately all comes to awareness , what influences us what we want to influence , our range of greed , being self-obsessed , ignorance , courage of an individual . Because neither India nor us , Germany or Japan were at peace from the beginning .  Someone struggled , leaded , had courage to do 1st .

Like they said  it was all the matter of choice and its still now and will remain a matter of choice.

running..............

          

He was walking and soon realized walking it wont  be enough and started running  and soon panting , sweating hard and extreme hunger arrested him but all he knew was he had to run and  hence   continued running .

With no signs of what he was looking for,  another hard luck expressed its presence and he was there almost drowning into the 5 and half feet deep, filthy  , smelling like pig's dung . Still all he could remember was running . Thanks to the hard luck at least it gave him sometime get his normal breathing back for the while. Held his hand to nearby hanging branch and pulled it hard to come out of it and started running again like before albeit sense of direction was almost lost. Still he kept running relentlessly. Gradually the sun started to hide creating more and more hurdle for him to run but he was here to run and so he  did without a stop unless soon he found lying himself  down on the heaps of leaves , dung , mud after being hit by tall , wide banyan tree. he felt his head suddenly sweating so  profoundly  till he smelt his hand to know actually it was blood and it was bleeding damn swiftly. With darkness set to rule the whole night , it had already found  its first victim of the night. But as soon as he got back his consciousness  all he was reminded  was of running and soon managed though hard to run again . This time it became even harder with dark night dominating , pain in head growing , shivering with cold and but still running.

And he kept running  , falling , standing , and again running for days , months and now it was years ….    In almost ever direction and finally  something unexpected encountered him , it was his dad and tears in his eyes there 300 meter far. he set the gear , shrugged his shoulder, increased the pace and while this 300 meter gap was decreasing he realized he has started to think. The closer he came the surer he became of  why he was  running for years  and in this direction only… forever for those tiny drops which made him to conclude yes indeed ,  all the past run were connected … and he kept running…..now with a purpose…

Moment of Serenity......

                                                               long  dreams had drenched my eyes  

                                                                                     and suddenly

                   

                                                   echoes of appreciation rekindled the music in my ears

                                                   Waveforms on the lips finally sublimated into the smile

                                                                      wet eyes  gleamed like the beacon

                                            Hands  dispersed  , arms got  wider and the wind came closer

                             Loneliness felt beautiful for rejoicing was for satisfaction , not for the show

                                                      Remembered family-friends , touched dead and alive

                                                                Purpose was served , bliss was discovered

                                                             proving was the point and point was proved

                                                   Past twisted , reshaped ,  rearranged and got connected

                                             all  illusions  became transparent  and love was the only  truth

                                                 stars , moon , good , honesty , benevolence were only seen

                                                                   tried hugging myself and still trying…...             

            "S" , "U" , "C" , "E"  got together to make  this, to make me, to make you, to make all a "SUCCESS"

And soon alarm bell rang…. Eyes were indeed drenched but this time awake…..

A DAY

day full of experiencing almost every major classes of feelings without undergoing neither extremity  of any emotions.
right from the morning the bliss of test going to end  to the  temporary waves of dullness shadowing  across due underdog performance in my favorite subject. the feel of romance while watching "RHTDM" to being thrilled by super stuffs of "quantum of solace". the extreme anger on one of my friend to the nostalgic moments while talking to one of my oldest best friend.  the successful attempts of buying few cloths (of course i look dashing in those) to the regret of excessive expenditure which i was not supposed to do now. the long tiring walk with my best buddies to the joy of having my favorite cuisines.     and the final didnt miss to end on high node by regaining some calmness , happiness , love , and some undefined abstracts sitting beside the seashore ............                  

They just don’t exist

The world and I am the only one

The trees , the sea , the mountains , the clouds , the moon

And am the only one walking , jumping , dancing , laughing, singing

The winter ,the summer , the spring , the rain 

Am the only one shivering , wetting , sweating

The jesus , the allah , the vishnu , the amma

I am the only one praying , beseeching ,wishing

The love , the beauty , the perfection , the kindness , the passion ,

I am the only one loving , staring , becoming , bestowing , living

The world and I am the only one.

The music , the words , the painting , the books

I am the only one listening  , speaking , drawing , reading.

The mum , the dad , the brother , the sister , the friends , the special friends

But I am the only one loving  ,embracing , hugging .

The fear , the hatred , the jealousy , the sex , the death

But I am the only one hating , envying , longing sex , dying.

The men , women , children , the old , the all

And I am the only one living because "THEY JUST DON’T EXIST "

The world and I am the only one.

what i actually meant ..that is y i was till now not able to give my 100% coz of fear , what others think , criticism , hypocrisy ..so y not let i  live as if they just dont exist

The "topic " is inspired by the words of a great architectural engineer Krishna Rao  jaisim during his conversation with deepraj jha.  Word was "they just don’t exist"

Greatest illusion-time

    I tried to remember if is this my 1st new year celebration here at NITC ,then I shook my head  , went through my college pics and soon I got convinced I was once again beaten up by the pace and nature time and once again time made me to affirm my views about its most illusionistic behavior.

Thanks to the "change "  because it only makes me realize this time exists  and thanks to the nature for it always changes without ever turning back. 

My discovery with ocean

Ocean where I realize infinity does exist

Ocean where I am hinted of my limitation

Ocean where opened eyes gives more  relaxation then being closed

Ocean where I discover music in the midst of the noise

Ocean where i dare to see  sky in my reach 

Ocean where i discover success need not be always attributed to how high you fly rather how deep you are

Ocean where I recognize the boon , even in being solitary

Ocean where i realize the depth within and depth outside

Ocean where i smell the odorless

Ocean where i find concept of time fake

Ocean where I see the narrow lining binding and yet separating life and death

Ocean where I wish to ,love to , cherish to go again

Ocean "a heaven in disguise"………………………….

31st december "AN EXPERIENCE"

Woke up late but was fortunate enough to get my token as g2 ( thanks to the distributer )soon my chance to get "amma darshan" came there .I was  on the stage sitting on the chair and in just few minutes  I would be getting the hug of the beloved of many amma. But till now I didn’t get any special feel .though  I knew she is a great spiritualist but rarely that word was  fully grasped by my intellect or consciousness. Well I had heard all start crying just before meeting amma atleast they cry while being hugged but till now I could find no symptoms of my tears. Then suddenly something got triggered  and I begin concentrating , recapitulating all my weakness and sometimes when I become so desperate with them.  I started praying for these weakness to die away as I get closer to my amma darshan or her hug.  Finally I had my hug , I told my weakness but I don’t know what she did reply but instead I  got  to know I had fever , which surprisingly started just after I got this message atleast I felt like so.

Then just before leaving this place I met this brazillian guy who seemed to be lost into meditation and when I checked him up he had tears in his eyes and he seemed a lot tensed then on asking his story he told he came here with his sister and wanted meet amma as he had heard lot about her . He said he was fed up of always partying , drinking and taking drugs on smallest of the occasions so this time he thought to chose the difference. He had been to "wrishikesh"  and "dharmshala " before.
And then came the time for me to leave to my alma matter nitc. But suddenly I didn’t know this would be the answer to my first weakness which soon I understood , I almost had put my steps into bus (the last bus to nitc) then I thought 31st december on the bus will be so horrible ,  and hope of someone that I may see again and this time surely will say the words kept me alive and put my  steps back . I even tried searching that one  for the while and was almost firmed to talk this time.  Unfortunately till now no signs of that someone. Still these things happens and  I didn’t know that these incidences will help me reveal my answers which were buried for years. What a unique way . That’s the positive aspect of visiting these places ( though I landed up here accidently with purely other intentions). Feeling awesome , felt music of my heart (laughter) like never before  had dj like never where we danced for ourselves in pure consciousness not to show and in semi conscious state. And I had never done this , sat at  stretch of almost 4 hours with slightest of the movements and slightest of alien thoughts coming into my mind.

And here again unexpected made my day memorable , a day to cherish for life time , a new year celebration I shall never forget and hopefully next year again I come here to dance to sing to  enjoy to live the moment.

My affairs with winter

 well this winter is making me respond like never before , after almost 3 years of gap I am feeling the change , the change in surrounding temperature . I was pretty used to so even weather in these 2years now the winter is causing a great hurdle for me at the same time enjoying like never before , the beauty of nature . Sleeping  sleeping and sleeping up to even 16 hrs someday .. Feeling  as if I am rusted   , legs frozen , ears shrunk lying all day inside the blanket sometimes even immersing my whole body into this 7*7 feet square blanket along with my dell laptop and then with all comfort logging  into my facebook account.   I know that these are only  few days I am going to spend with winter  .
winter has got one more beauty hidden into it "the silence". You don’t really have to try for it , I just let my media player closed , doors closed air tight , windows open waiting till 11 30 pm and there's the winter's greatest offerings to me , you and all. If you are not going through  any tough phase ( I passed my 3rd semester ) then you may even realize momentary serenity . Besides these  everything seems to be rediscovering its beauty and help finding mine and realize again I am nothing in front of the divine nature and yet  seeking motivation from this winter I can be so much more .So its not just the season it’s the blessing in disguise. I love it , respect it cherish it and if luck persists i will make it count as well.  So I am making it large are you also ?.....