a sight

 long grass with converging tip giving some

Space to brownish mud peeping here and there

Just when my sight could reach reddening sky

The field had already affirmed my beliefs

The bigger we become to the outside world

Narrower we become within ourselves

Our thoughts instead of accepting more diversity

Starts converging to our false pride

And the gleam in the eyes of the pride

Perhaps makes everything else secondary

But still often the filthy brownish mud

Tries to clean our vision but only to get  rejected.

To get rid of crime(rape)--What a common man can do

I was just wondering if the increasing strength of our defense system has really helped in controlling the number of deaths and various destructions and wars. I am ofcourse far from the actual facts and figures.

And so the 80000 police force in nation capital . They might be doing their work and might have solved several cases and might even have saved few crimes from happening. But still murders, robbery , rapes , gang rapes happen provoking the common people  to react , shout at the system .

                            But they forgot that loss has already happened . And in days to come they themselves will return to normal life till the next crime(for it to come under highlight , this one really has to be a lot severe and must happen with urban man or woman) happens. And in this I have more then 100% faith. For rapes , killing has been happening for more then a century . And also the frequency of those crime has only been increasing irrespective of government in charge , number of police force and our defense system .

                                 And the fact remains that we can never really eliminate from our society. What we can wish for is the decreased frequency of crime. And for this we have to start from the ourselves  We can learn from those nations which has decent history considering crime.

                 And regarding rape it starts from individual , from individual's mind. I am stil sure the rape case recently occurring in delhi surely would not be conscious  pre-planned. But their (rapists) subconscious must have informations enough to validate this crime. And this subconscious is what which stores our history. The family , the friends circle , the way we have been brought up. And hence the care should be taken there. How often we ourselves would have teased or atleast felt tempted to do so to girls in public place . The reason being we (most of us )live in society   where girls remain  alien to us or e never been told to see girl for then just a mere body.

From our very own family sons are always given a lot more attention then girl child. Increasing cases of foeticides itself reveals that girl child our always looked with shameful eyes. And when the same girl grows up and is raped, same mother cries because she is not able show his face to society. her father would perhaps never talk to her. Society will never accept her. Instead of empathy they can show all they care is to protect self made brittle pseudo respect in the society.

                  and I think the very basic architecture of this has to be changed. Lets start from the equality. We condemn Wests for its multiple affairs , divorce and at them same time happily accept the rape cases here . We reserve special seats for ladies in bus , train , colleges. Our very basic government structure and as well as family structure encourages these crime by representing girl ha a weak symbol. And when rape happens we grimace our face in such a way as if something so miraculously bad has happened. 

    Lets start with primary education. Lets the coming generation know that girl is no less then a boy. Let them see  the beauty of simultaneous  prospering of both the gender in even climate and respect each other. Lets give space for love , shifting our anger , pride , self. And it will take time but result will be what we all want.                              

just few.....

       few stones waiting to be hurled down to other side of lake
       few drops waiting to be dropped down
      few words waiting to be slipped of my tongue
      few thoughts waiting to escape my mind
     few ideas waiting to  fly in the sky
     few emotions waiting to be exploded, expressed ,said and rejoiced


   

Rabbits and We.............

walking down the long quite pavement
redness across the sky possibly started to bid farewell to sun
with no watch tied across the wrist
perhaps this was the best time to guess the known


taking a few steps further on the grass, those two
rabbits struck right at the centre of my pupil perhaps look
 like carrying inherent traits from white angels from my dreams
but something else  something more then colour was there

jumping and hurling tiny splashes of water on each other
sounding as if dog is singing without those two front teeth
which was soon to become a song singing for funeral
when a arrow waiting to be pulled down for long

struck right into beautiful eyes
and the other had one no choice other then to escape
i zoomed my camera to find its heart beating increased manifolds
but still hours later it came , only to  find his friend resting in peace

to us , its expression were still unread , ununderstood
and hence we named them feeling less
just because our emotion didnt resonate with theirs
we kill them , we eat them , we rape , we steal , we hate , we discriminate


                           being symmetric was always the nature's preference
                           and now we try to see it with fogged specs
                           the screen is now filled with only me
                           with hardly any space for love , bliss , respect.

And I missed to give a call

Kept beside the  window was a filthy and dusted diary

storm had the pages waving

But  with the advent of heavy rain

Wind had to quickly take a reside in some new place

Till then the waving pages had taken a pause

But wind had already marked its second influence

The complete 2nd paragraph on that page

Was embellish by the fallen water paint

And finally what looked to be planned afterwards happened

My pair of eyes flew to those multicolored  lines

Only to find vary familiar handwriting

Written in bold red  "call 9787336583" dated "12\12\2009"

If I could remember it was the last day of school

If I could remember it was given to me by that someone

Whom I had been looking into , for atleast 5 years

Guess what IIT always works as climax in everyone's story

Physics , chemistry , math books were  piled up next  , diary at the bottom

Could never open  the diary and never add a word more

Until the storm came until the rain came until the water paint fell on it

 until it became dusted until it became filthy  until now

And I missed to give a call on that and in

A month I found I missed the IIT too (though approximately )

And now I wonder how did she reach to my diary

When  I had only asked for filling the slam book

And now I realize what I had missed what could already have been mine

years old dream suddenly blommed from grave
only to realize grave is still a better place
and left me with a fanitest echo of extremist optimism
"Thank god water paint didnt fell on the next few lines
"Thank god I didn’t go throw the next few lines "
What If it had ".............….. you"

She....still happens....

       

       she danced , she sang and she was loved
       she blossomed , she shone like a pearl
       just when she thought
       to take the control of her decison
       she knew all her past had been planned
       only to let herself  become a better bride

      but after the "better" everything became like dust of eyes
      she was now far from her past
      sitting once in the balcony she thought
      only to discover the futility of her passions
      dreams were when condensed to pain
      was still alien to her
     
      she became a mother
      she thought to rediscover her dream
      in the eyes of her daughter
      she worked , she sweat , she endured
      hoping her god has got some godliness left
     
      years later she had the 2nd discovery of her life
      she had been only the housekeeper
      stubbornness of mind  again had the victory over innocence of heart
      she cried she begged she prayed
      only to find the futility of her love and motherhood
   
      her daughter taking the legacy
      only to complete the another circle
      and she in the heaven
      only if some godliness is left in him.

If only you forgive me...........

when mind is fogged by the selfishness
when other's emotions remains their only
when pride of mind kills the child inside
when self obsession disconnects the self from reality

i seek exemption from the past sin
i have come to know if sacred Ganges water still exists to unload all my devil
i pledge before you to forgive the ignorance
i promise to redeem the inside with innocence

if only you forgive me
if only you accept me as a new person
who will try to become a better man every hour every second every moment
and yet veiled by the same body and face
if only you guide me

a sleep in the evening

   just a little drowsiness after the evening sleep
   just a little ache in the head
   just short of the critical  momentum needed to get out of the bed
  just a little slow in mobilizing fingers on the keyboard
                    
   then i know that i am lacking energy
  inspiration has been veiled by the fogs
  love is also residing somewhere far in the unknown cottage
  people close have been far for a while

  but then as learnt
 i put the switch in "on" mode
 because i just had 2 choice
on or off , i went for "on" first deliberately and then it became natural

then suddenly still writing
backgrounds began to take a shift
drowsiness encouraged me to get energised to defeat it
ache in the head became like battling at the border inspite of pain

i began stretching my thoughts through the fogs to grab the inspiration
and suddenly Helen Keller's  quote struck
 "Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties."

 memories of great times with friends , family and few others sprouted the buried love
i gave the another call to the people close
and he said he had been waiting as  his balance was over
and now  i have to go for the  evening walk with him.
  

You have............a

you have a bird resting within you
dont let its wings rest forever

you have a child inside
dont let his smile become extinct

you have a rage inside
dont let its voice increase entropy inside

you have a enemy inside
let him be buried within yourself



you have a soul , talent , love inside
dont miss to unveil this discovery within you

you a life inside you
dont let its presence ever be underdone ...

the best , better and good........

when i was growing i was told about the best

years later we kept discussing the best

and now i realize those long conversations , thoughts

have actually hidden the "better me" 

it was always about best actor , best cricketer , toppers , most beautiful ,best people

and it always remained just less then a token of  appreciation for the goods

to transform them into the better ones.

but in the crowd of only pertaining to bests , most , highest , wisest , tallest 

i failed to become good , a little wise ,a little better

i still dream to fly in the sky but

i am taught, only the best can do

and thats why my fear gets grooming along with my dream

i dont see the zealously knocking my door

rather i find missing the honest appreciation , token of   clap

i find myself surrounded by only the bests, 

i am taught only toughest can survive

may be its my weakness , fear ,vulnerability 

but i still seek a world

where each one including me can survive 

where each one including me gets the equal opportunity to prosper

i dont know when it will come true 

but one thing i know unless it wont be accomplished

we will continue to be praising , talking only about the best

and the better ones will continue to suffer

survival for good ones will become tougher

people with no "best tags" will crave for the pebbles of appreciation

and the inequality will continue going in the directions of entropy . 

random words

 some thoughts penetrate deeper
some people mark the stain darker
 some journey becomes a lesson
some experience become a life-saver

and still human-err repeats itself
neither the flute's whistle
nor the majestic voice spell its magic
till the next rocks awaits to hit you

genius of our mind or the truth of  our heart
is still differentiable for me
and so the dilemma of choice between two
there i seek the fruit out of my theism
and i leave all onto "amma"
but still my beliefs seem partial
for my dilemma is still visible

i seek here the truth
truth of knowledge , truth of my being
a stagnant satisfaction of my state
i seek a zeal  to survive
a reason to go forward
and say it aloud "yes i can"

when experience guides you...

.
things change , people change or i change is still a mystery. they say it true , friends in college are always the worst thing to expect . especially when during more  then 2 years you are hit thrice by the same rock

. putting all  beliefs , trust , unveiling myself to the core in front of them only to know that the person enjoying the show has left the theatre far earlier. people will call these people innocence (including me ) but i call then ignorant , perhaps the worst category to be in.
and perhaps this makes me realize that i am human. a small bubble in the water always changing its radius and sometimes even bursting. but when i try observing this bucket full of water and bubbles i feel unsecured for i am not one , i am always influenced by  the environment outside. and then again some more analogies creeps into this mind. and i become serious again , dullness finds its way again. these all happen because i am astonished to see how i can repeat the same mistakes. perhaps i didnt get the failure for last 1.5 years in this field.
but now i realize failure makes me aware that i am imperfect , incomplete and i need correction , this time a steeper and long lasting.    
but i am ready for the failures as long as i keep learning from them. sometimes the decreased frequency of failure makes me think that i am improving but soon i come to know i was actually egoistic , arrogant enough to hide my details .  but then again i find my mind not fully planer and hence have to say


"there so many things , so many people , so many thoughts , so many discussions and sometimes so much to cry but a pinch of smile a truck of laugh (poor jokes with those few who dont  fear of calling themselves unmodern , unmatured  , child etc.  )converges them all into it   "

i learnt these two lines which i would like to share

its seriously damn damn difficult to get a true honest friend here in a competitive world.
look straight into the eyes of people. as you may never know what you might miss. for in a long race we all search for love sometimes fashion forces us to reject them that also only superficially .

Transition......

Its these days when I sleep with all the sleepy mind , fatigued body , headache and then after 2 hours of sleep , I get on fb visiting my favorite profiles and sometimes new one  and soon find the happiness finds it way coming all the way through twist and tunnels , leaping way ahead of my fatigue , piercing through the fear and finally sending a smile.

Its these days when everything not goes your way but yet you find yourself feet slowly finding a harder floor to stand on , more stagnant pole to hold your hands with .

Its these days when you start realizing the rate of passing of time is way swifter then it really is and yet the net content of every second makes every bit of time a precious one.

Its these days when I call these changes a  transition and the best part is when I realize  it goes forever and  happens everyday , sometimes I notice and sometimes I miss them.

And so its these days I am realizing this transition, so I try to control , mould a part of this transition in a way I expect my life to be with me. 

GRAMYA MANTHAN

Initially when I tried visualizing the "10 gramya manthan"  days it seemed I would be coming out   of my normal daily schedule to adapt a new one ,  would be away from my beloved family, friends  back home , I would  be going to new villages to understand them and their problem and even doubted what facilities would to be provided .   

But now  more then 10 days have already passed and these possibilities mentioned above all look

Deepened into the bottom of the pit of memories and what remained  is shining like a beacon , shouting like a roar of lion ,attracting like a magnet ,drenching my eyes every  hour and asking why just 10 days.

Frankly speaking I went from the family but only to make a new one , found a new daily schedule only to find it was normal in fact far more self satisfying  then the previous one . The family of 40 people  which I never realized till 22nd june and they  were all  different  at the same time they all looked converging with my thoughts and that was the beauty of the program.

I learnt to listen atleast to some extent , could present in front of many people without the pebble of hesitation , came out of my comfort zone to interact with so many of them ( with few I could have done more which I still regret).

Transition started to come during the 2nd day of our visit to village (in my case it was tishti)  , met with a family whose head could earn only in few months of the year , all sleeping in a small room on the plastic still  never showed his back for the education of his 3 children. The eldest being a pretty girl doing her b.sc hiding behind a veil was inspirational  and a eye drenching phenomena. It was perhaps the 1st time I was roaming around in 45 degree  hot summer visiting new homes  with only 3 hours of sleep for last  4 days and still could find my passion dissolving all the tiredness . Then at the night we discussed , conversed , shared and then would present the solution which everyday would take a leap ahead .

Sessions by Sir Elango , Ravi Sir was easily gained the top list of people I ever heard and including many others. The encouragement , amenities , received by us were adding only feathers to our list of growing experience . And till the last day came they all culminated to make it a life time experience .

As this program ends but its memories have just started to stretch and grow making a hell of experience

If I am on the missing side and at the same time pride feeling peeping and citing "YES I HAVE BEEN THE PART OF GRAMYA MANTHAN".   I look to join them at least join the village to implement to what we had presented their for the people there have started expecting , they have broken the realms of their dreams , wishes and we cant leave them in the between.   

We need wish …….and they(villagers) need far more.

Simply love

Eyes drenched and then rubbed

For sometimes a book stains a mark

Mad seems normal and normal seems mad

For there was neither mad nor normal

Only one universally truth called love

Only ratio of absence and presence of it determines the rest

remained ignorant of  this fact

Kept searching the world upside down

But it always was about the love

Relishing on the  victory of your brother

Or the acceptance of your sister's affair

Or the tiny acts of teasing your friend

Or a long walk in the midnight

Or simply imagining your parents sacrifice

Or marching forward in the unidirectional  solemn destination

All converging into  a simple package of love and rest

My mind could not conceive

which could penetrate to the core ...

Why I chose to be a theist

It didn’t happen in a day . I am confident and if not its due to my weakness and I very well know that if I am the only remote control of my happiness I can with dedicated efforts make this venture feasible one  . And for this part I will not have to introduce a 3rd person or a god or an almighty  to make this possible for me. If I am to build a 10 million dollar empire or create social equity in a particular area with my work  and if I am determined for these then I may not be praying in front of god but relying all upon my dedication and If I lose its my mistake.

And if I lose always , still there's a hope within me because of only me that I can yet again bring a change , rectify further my mistakes , learn from them and give a best shot in next attempt.   

Perhaps above assumption were true only under one condition if I am the only  "I" . But the problem is I am bestowed with a wonderful family , best of the friends and few others as well and remaining humanity as well.  I , studying in nit Calicut 3000km away from parents  suddenly hear a news flash "earthquake of 7.2 rector scale hit the northern region of Bihar and some parts in west Bengal" . Then my younger brother is almost at the stage of formal education breakdown . And then there is Mumbai 26th November grievous blast revisited and so many.

I would have still preferred to be an atheist if I had not have been emotionally connected to them if the fear of death of my parents would not have shaken me a bit ,if the sullen dark clouds overcastting the future of my brother would not have bothered for me a second , if the deaths of thousands of humans would not have appeared as my own loss for the moment at least.

And hence I   am a theist for I need  this virtual pillar to hold my hand amidst all the troubles . I mean troubles which are out of my remote control . I cant control the death of my parents during an earthquake , I cant tame my brother to work sincerely for his future , I cant always stop the terrorist to enter my country . And hence I need a pillar to support by , I need a word to chant , the unseen to whom I can pray when I am in despair when people I love are in despair for I can control only mine .

May that be ,so called god or almighty  be the flask full of my own faith or trust but being a theist only  makes this flask visible .   

And it will be too arrogant of myself if I still give credit to the pillar or flask or the god  for only taking care of my  loved once , and hence it makes me a complete theist or at least till I find some other theory to defy this. 

SAILING......

It’s a strange story of a lad

Of all those dreams once he had

For those he gave his best try

He worked relentlessly without  a cry

For almost couple of years

Overcoming all the fears and tears

And then came the judgment  day

Only to bring him ,his maiden dismay

 but life had to go on

With acceptance that days of despair have gone

Then for  almost a year

Smile , freedom was only near

For he has now no dream

And hence the smile had to lose the gleam

Then one day his long forgotten childhood stargaze

in no time  came within  his chase

But only after a month did he realize

The emptiness has again begun to emphasize

For now he hated what is bestowed

Attraction was only  the unseen road

Finding himself amidst the loop oscillation

Of the two worlds between love and aversion

He now relates himself to this quote

"Artist  love only for second

The next hour they are bored or frustrated

For dynamic change only makes them moving"

But strangely  he had no artistic talents as well

Except this strange relation to this quote to tell…..

His plans , dreams needed lot of reconstruction

For now life has taken a halt on new junction

But one thing he concluded this birthday

That life has still to cover 3/4th of the  tray...

Exemption.....

Freedom of mind liberty of thinking

Exemption from all the named human relations

Immune to all the emotions

Illusion is the only difference between truth and false

Expectation from others becomes senseless

Center of happiness confines within oneself

The road ahead has only one's footsteps

Permanence loses its durability

 people come people go but you remain....

with you forever....

Since I

Since I failed  I know I want to succeed

Since I cried I know I want to smile

Since I lost I know I want to discover

Since I broke I know I want to make

Since I born I know I want to live

As I face the rising sun in the sky

As I face the rising sun in the sky

I imagine the vast beauty of my untold story yet to come

As I  try locating the extremity of the ocean

 I discover the vast talent ready to be exploited by motivation 

As I see falling rain sanctifying the dusted road

I seek the urgency to rectify the wrongs I have committed

as i see my name dissolving into the sands

i see my name gaining the omnipresence

as i find myself in midst of demotivating lands

the horizon of infinite inspiration discloses itself

............