Towards The Truth

The quote " Change is the only constant " appears to be one of the commonest one floating around.
But when it comes to experiential level , we live very differently.
With every year comes a new goal , a new planning , a new ideology which keeps us busy.Some of them stay for a longer time and some leave us too soon.Irrespective of their duration ,they all succeed in creating a sense of permanency in our mind. The idea that each of our present goal /ideology / thought is here to stay for eternity,  makes sure we never come out of this loop.
Taking example from my own life. When I was 15-16 , I dreamt of becoming scientist and held science with utmost respect .Then during the college life I changed into a easy going boy who only cared to live , travel new places and have full fun. This was the stage when studies took the back  seat (many of my school friends still doubt it and of course my parents ) and my philosophy about life started changing yet again.From science to social service was my new mantra along with lots of travel and fun all the time constituted my novel attitude.Then by the final years social service took the back seat(science was perhaps out of the car) and I started fantasizing about Computer science , high on-campus placement offers( remember how my dreams are changing and  exactly how they follow the circumstances around). I was now feeling like I am made for the coding (blend of maths and easy money). But unable to meet the immediate dreams , my philosophy again started taking turns. Presently  I am into changing myself from the core etc (spirituality and meditations ).
 But what has started intriguing me now is the fact how every time I failed to realize , all the changes were temporary and purely circumstantial. I never really did anything out of choice.All I had was 2-3 choices out of billions of other choices .And even in that 2-3 choices it was purely out of circumstances , I ended up choosing that. Even the greater irony was in assuming that the ""choice"" was the result of my freedom to live. Adding to this cake of ignorance was the assumption my current state was permanent .And I could end up fighting(of course avoiding a physical argument ) to prove my point/philosophy.

Sadly this happens with almost everyone whom we meet in our everyday life .But the saddest part is , even when we are on our deathbed we fail to realize this (simple) nature's law that we are in nature's lap (not the other way around)and we die with this crown of ignorance. 

The truth that  " all of us are undergoing continuous change and yet not able to realize/experience this  " remains hidden from most of us.
        Why dont we notice this simple phenomenon . Why dont we see ourselves contradicting  our very own thoughts which had kept us busy a year ago. If someone points out for us we disguise it into self improvement etc . But again the changes come.We hardly notice.
 Actually we keep happening by accident . Any thought or idea or philosophy comes and hijacks us and makes us believe that this ""idea /thought" is the ultimate . During this period when we are romanticizing with a particular idea , that idea becomes the significant part of our life/soul. We are so much attached to it that we start seeing everything using the filter of that idea and when the doomsday comes for our "idea/dream" we get horrified and scared.We start feeling the vacuum created by the absence of it. Yet soon our old idea smoothly gets transitioned to new one and rarely giving us a time to stop and ponder upon it.
     My point basically is , what if we undergo all this change exactly the same way as we do but with a eye to keep a watch on it. We keep changing ourselves even our behavior and personality but consciously.
This has the power to liberate us from the suffering.Before delving into this lets explore the cause of suffering.
Suffering occurs when our old idea gets into the phase of transition .And this transition hurts because it creates a feeling of being left alone .It makes us  feel as if something very dear to us is leaving us. This is very ironical as cause of  suffering can be as simple as this but the consequences can be very explosive (likes of suicide, depression etc).
 What I am trying to say is (not I but all sages since ages , I am just chanting their words) once we become conscious of how these changes occur within us , how we gradually switch from one idea to other we  begin to realize the futility of  the seriousness of these ideas in our life . The reason being they all our happening by accidents which means our ideas are 100% conditioned to surroundings.(  a 18 year child in India can be mad for clearing engineering entrance , a man in ISIS can be mad for converting the whole world into islam , a woman in USA might be fighting feminism etc). Again I am not saying we should end all of it . All these things in the material world will continue to happen but if we are conscious that our dreams and passions our just the repercussions of the society nearby or just any external influence , we will not take this bondage with our "idea" seriously .Consequently our happiness will never be the function of these ideas( whether they fail or succeed ). 

Why we miss the truth

Continued .. from last post

The truth that  " all of us are undergoing continuous change and yet not able to realize/experience this  " remains hidden from most of us.
        Why dont we notice this simple phenomenon . Why dont we see ourselves contradicting  our very own thoughts which had kept us busy a year ago. If someone points out for us we disguise it into self improvement etc . But again the changes come.We hardly notice.
 Actually we keep happening by accident . Any thought or idea or philosophy comes and hijacks us and makes us believe that this ""idea /thought" is the ultimate . During this period when we are romanticizing with a particular idea , that idea becomes the significant part of our life/soul. We are so much attached to it that we start seeing everything using the filter of that idea and when the doomsday comes for our "idea/dream" we get horrified and scared.We start feeling the vacuum created by the absence of it. Yet soon our old idea smoothly gets transitioned to new one and rarely giving us a time to stop and ponder upon it.
     My point basically is , what if we undergo all this change exactly the same way as we do but with a eye to keep a watch on it. We keep changing ourselves even our behavior and personality but consciously.
This has the power to liberate us from the suffering.Before delving into this lets explore the cause of suffering.
Suffering occurs when our old idea gets into the phase of transition .And this transition hurts because it creates a feeling of being left alone .It makes us  feel as if something very dear to us is leaving us. This is very ironical as cause of  suffering can be as simple as this but the consequences can be very explosive (likes of suicide, depression etc).
 What I am trying to say is (not I but all sages since ages , I am just chanting their words) once we become conscious of how these changes occur within us , how we gradually switch from one idea to other we  begin to realize the futility of  the seriousness of these ideas in our life . The reason being they all our happening by accidents which means our ideas are 100% conditioned to surroundings.(  a 18 year child in India can be mad for clearing engineering entrance , a man in ISIS can be mad for converting the whole world into islam , a woman in USA might be fighting feminism etc). Again I am not saying we should end all of it . All these things in the material world will continue to happen but if we are conscious that our dreams and passions our just the repercussions of the society nearby or just any external influence , we will not take this bondage with our "idea" seriously .Consequently our happiness will never be the function of these ideas( whether they fail or succeed ).

A different take on "change"

The quote " Change is the only constant " appears to be one of the commonest one floating around.
But when it comes to experiential level , we live very differently.
With every year comes a new goal , a new planning , a new ideology which keeps us busy.Some of them stay for a longer time and some leave us too soon.Irrespective of their duration ,they all succeed in creating a sense of permanency in our mind. The idea that each of our present goal /ideology / thought is here to stay for eternity,  makes sure we never come out of this loop.
Taking example from my own life. When I was 15-16 , I dreamt of becoming scientist and held science with utmost respect .Then during the college life I changed into a easy going boy who only cared to live , travel new places and have full fun. This was the stage when studies took the back  seat (many of my school friends still doubt it and of course my parents ) and my philosophy about life started changing yet again.From science to social service was my new mantra along with lots of travel and fun all the time constituted my novel attitude.Then by the final years social service took the back seat(science was perhaps out of the car) and I started fantasizing about Computer science , high on-campus placement offers( remember how my dreams are changing and  exactly how they follow the circumstances around). I was now feeling like I am made for the coding (blend of maths and easy money). But unable to meet the immediate dreams , my philosophy again started taking turns. Presently  I am into changing myself from the core etc (spirituality and meditations ).
 But what has started intriguing me now is the fact how every time I failed to realize , all the changes were temporary and purely circumstantial. I never really did anything out of choice.All I had was 2-3 choices out of billions of other choices .And even in that 2-3 choices it was purely out of circumstances , I ended up choosing that. Even the greater irony was in assuming that the ""choice"" was the result of my freedom to live. Adding to this cake of ignorance was the assumption my current state was permanent .And I could end up fighting(of course avoiding a physical argument ) to prove my point/philosophy.

Sadly this happens with almost everyone whom we meet in our everyday life .But the saddest part is , even when we are on our deathbed we fail to realize this (simple) nature's law that we are in nature's lap (not the other way around)and we die with this crown of ignorance. 

Lets get aware of grass

 It wont take more than 5 minutes of speculation(honesty is indeed needed) to reach to a conclusion that whatever we have been (most of us)  in our life , most of the experiences were more of derived ones from family , media, religion, country rather than being original.
 Right from the childhood going through the same academics(cbse,icse , b.tech) , playing only those few games and hence doing the same kind of mistakes and getting the same kind of responses as well from the people and nature around.The older we become, our surrounding's(and we as well) tolerance towards our variations(independence) keeps on reducing and fortunately we are quite smart to adapt to that.

Finally most of us going through the same funnel(a job or more newly a startup, phd) of life . Basically variables which define us keep on decreasing but in our mind we keep on becoming big. Those few variables now become our life.Our consciousness becomes smaller and worldly influence on our mind is as strong as mountains. I don't mean anywhere that I am against marriage , formal education etc. My concern is (of course for me as well may be that's why I am writing here) we human beings are becoming clones of each other. We are proudly saying we are unique but than we are becoming the next men in the house , city , college. The data gathered in our mind is determining our course of life which unfortunately is uniform throughout the mankind and hence the consequences are clone human beings.
We all need  certificates to prove our worth , we all need  marriage to lead a satisfying life, we all become agitated at once , we all become lovely in the next moment . Point is not to boycott marriage , education system but to realize that these decisions should come from our core and not from the influences of the neighbor.Every experience we undergo whether its education , marriage we just need a shift from subconsciousness to consciousness.A slight opening of eyes and awareness towards every moment we live here on earth.And this is what differentiates us from animals and plants.

We say , we are what we are (I am what I am) but rarely we realize this is also picked from somewhere .We are not what we are , we are only what the next one is
I think awareness of this "flaw in our life" will be enough for us to be unsatisfied and seek for the bigger truth and then at least we will be able to take few decision completely independent from the data stored in our mind because data in mind was on Wikipedia , Google and books yesterday. And still if you say you are what your books teach you than you have been just got unlucky because you studied xyz book first or you were born in abc country  which shaped your course of life and thoughts.And it can change in the next moment when you read a new book .

To start with lets start with the grass. Lets become aware of grass atleast.

Nostalgia and its repercussions

It can start with old photos , revisiting schools , colleges , old home etc. Strangest things begin to happen when you are submerged into nostalgic feelings. You feel the possibility to touch your past yet it  forever goes tangentially just like the blow of wind  . And if you are unfortunate enough to listen to some soothing or similar kind of music at the same time you will go only deeper into the ocean and yet will remain enough far from reliving those experience. But these nostalgic moments does much more, if for a while we forget our present and allow ourselves to fall freely into this ocean. And then we observe the change we have been , so much things should have been retained with us but they all or few have been lost during the journey from past to present. Rhetoric  it may sound ,nostalgia  reminds us of few things we just need to grab it immediately from the past.   Whether it was to smile for no reasons , care freely laughing like mad , making friends without any boundaries , fearlessness , being oblivion to disrespect and dishonor and above all being happy for no reasons or perhaps microscopic reasons. Each of us have so many things to take back from the few minutes  of nostalgia . (Taking assumption that each has some imperfection)

Longest journey till now

Last time I had a trip to Bangalore for 1 week and I thought I had a journey.  I spent a month in village teaching kids and I thought I had a journey . I spent a fortnight trying to aware the villagers for education and I thought that I had a journey. Well now I have completed my engineering  though in minimum time of  4 years , my mind and memory still looks too small to create a thought out of the vast ocean of experiences in last  4 years. But thanks to god I have this alternative (always trying to respond ) to cry out aloud but the mind always controlled it.

Now keeping the mind aside for sometime , Yes my soul can feel last 4 years , in fact the every pieces of mine has last  4 years  strongly imbibed in it.  Friends who have seen me  4 years before and now , they can tell in one scan I carry all those  4 years without any overflows or ambiguity .  And that’s why I feel achieved more when I represent and live those experiences than a job which I got here.

And equally important had been the acquaintance with so many different kinds of people from all corners of the country. And yes like any one of you initially I made 20 best friends then fought with couple of them and then again made up with them and then again fought them and finally before leaving could filter few friends who can be there for lifetime , some for may be little less and some whom you don’t want to remember ever (but you never know when your soul defeats your mind and you accept every one ).

Whether it was getting too much personal  ( liking sharing room , cloths etc . ) , falling for a girls or many , argument with father ( showing I am growing ) , fear of failure or perhaps a fail in engineering drawing , rejection experience in a campus interview , walking lonely after a fight with friend, sometimes too much thinking about the future , or feeling amused thinking that there can be this kind of a guy as well , insulted by a girl whom I propose , or viral laziness across the whole hostel , nocturnal gossips , sticking all day to laptops  etc . 

Everyone has his/her share of adequate experiences , and mostly chances are it makes us atleast an inch better than we commenced our college. But happiness lies in understanding and letting it know to each of our cells and dna that life will always move on , friends who are best now may become stranger , job which looks dream now may become cause of the worry , or in a more positive way friends who are on lighter side may become closer , less paid job may become heaven . Change will come , everything will change ,places , people , best friends , love , dreams. But one thing I hope is , let  all these  changes be in symphony with the experiences I had  and let alarm bell always keep reminding us that this mistake shouldn’t be repeated. And above all last 4 years will be perhaps by written in the boldest format and yes nostalgia will again make me cry.

truth - as I try to find and then lose it....

I have realized lately , the most difficult task for me to decide is which group I belong. Even a  bigger challenge remains to keep myself unbiased of so many things happening around and to know why I need a group to prove my truth

. The more I think I am unbiased about my choice the more biased views seem to become. I am 22 now and already have seen so many different genres of thoughts and ideology . Recent elections and dramatic rise of AAP has suddenly created new waves of thought. But quicker are the people who already know which poles they belong to. And I am very well part of that magnet and certainly not the one whose thoughts changes but  rather looks for those evidence which only makes my decision to chose a particular pole even stronger without ever trying to look how world looks from the opposite side.

Consequently  we have people who talk to us  good on our face but in their mind they had already assigned us the particular location. The biggest of challenge for our country is not the universal acceptance of secularism but the challenge to know the real truth which already has the previous criteria imbibed in it.  And same is with me. And hence is my challenge to break this cage.

Inspired by Gandhi's talisman of introspection leaves me sometimes in even wider range of doubts.

But atleast one thing is very clear , truth is one of the toughest thing to discover for me. Truth ,  atleast to me ,don’t seem to come spontaneously may be because my subconscious is too much damaged by deliberate biased thoughts of surroundings. Truth still seems a distant destination for me , searching truth may perhaps make me break my own glass keeping pillars of thoughts stacked on each other since last 22 years. Ofcourse some of those pieces of truth might be correct but for a stack to function they have to be aligned correctly.

Which again leads me to believe even more strongly in god because he is the only bridge between me and truth . And somewhere I have read hope never lets you down . And I will keep questioning my truth and at the same time my partial biased flickering mind will keep saying wrong words. But I assure you they will be more refined then yesterday.

hope to me

Hope to me is , dry lake  waiting for the rain , 

snowy mountain waiting summer to arrive

Flowers waiting for the sun to spread its petals

Love waiting for the words , words waiting to be said

Child in the fetus waiting to come into the world

child hoping to become a man 

Gandhi how and why always keeps me inspiring..................

The larger part of my life has been more  influenced by physicist , bollywood stars , cricket stars . Post then has been more about the domination of inspiration over influence. After the suggestion from by closest friend I started going through "My experiment with truth" in my second year of graduation.  For the first few month I managed to complete just 60 pages of ebook.  But the honesty so plainly expressed  had already  struck the first cord. Then a little bit of google about Gandhi , his famous and unfamous writings were absorbing me almost homogenously . But lately I found many were not of the same view as of mine , so I left discussing about him. I thought may be I don’t know the history much so better is to be quiet .

Then after a break of a year , finally  got the hard copy of  "My experiment with truth". Since then I have been stormed by numerous radical transformation in my thoughts .Whether its my growing ability to restrain myself from nonsense criticizing of others , ability to accept the mistakes , ability to take the pride with humility in noble deeds , ability to introspect, strong believer of piece and above all ability to give. And few pending things which I might take a little longer is to love selflessly , sacrifice for the cause ,truth and humanity are all dedicated to Mahatma . With his plethora of inspirational quotes  ,he keeps inspiring  me thousand times  .

  Whether his sacrificing nature or ability to accept his greatest or guilt shame or practicing his verse with such consistency or the concept of non-violence , satyagrah , non-cooperation movement or  his principles of swaraj  . He has been like a trendsetter  of peace and humanity.

A  thin common man always motivating with his relentless long walks , stick and a gita in his hands and a always glued smile , experimenting world's most uncommon noble deeds. When world was busy making atomic bombs , he kept teaching thousands of his countrymen about non-violence ,, he taught us to discard english clothes , he made us to make salt for our own , he fought for thousands in foreign land of south africa  and  yet our  generation keep criticizing him for INDIA-PAKISTAN  many more which I don’t even know.But for  me and many others he kept inspiring us .

I feel saddened to see today people especially Indians criticize  Gandhi but praise Martin luther King who himself  was ardent Gandhi follower. We keep comparing between bhagat singh and gandhi ,  patel and gandhi etc. We are dividing our own country , we are cutting our own souls. Instead of uniting two good souls we continuously try to prove superiority of one over others. Being from educated class of India our thoughts should not be drifted along with the wind rather lets have our own unbiased ,researched notions atleast for these great people.

On his 144th birth anniversary I dedicate this to Mahatma Gandhi , hopefully someday some of us learn  from some of his reminiscences and above all take pride in saying yes Gandhi is the father of nation. Because if we know him , if we study him not through the spectacles of others , we will know that Gandhi was a magnificent phenomena , who processed every second , who transformed every minute for the better. A few shortcoming everyone has and he also had but he himself said "

Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.".Lets remember the mahatma on his "birth anniversary and world non-violence day" for the truth he stood for , for sacrifice he made , for the pains he underwent for his countrymen .

Like the rain stopped raining

Like the wind stopped blowing

Like the rain stopped raining

Like the birds stopped flying

Like the stars restrained from  shining

The way  you stopped calling

The way you stopped noticing

The way you stopped loving

The way you started forgetting

The way you started departing

Like the trees shedding its leaves 

Like the land started drying

Like the stranger stopped gazing at stars

Like sky started becoming uglier

Like the wings started falling

The way loneliness started captivating me

The way sleepless night became the most frequent encounter

The way I started drowning  more and more in your memories

The way oblivion became more and more familiar